(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #331, February 1, 2008)
Welcome to everyone who is in town this weekend for the Black Frost 31 run presented by the Black Guard of Minneapolis. (This year’s theme: “Boots, Bras, & Kibbles . . . Oh My!!”) Here’s hoping everyone has a great weekend of renewing old friendships and establishing new ones.
My hat is off to the Black Guard for successfully dealing with a last-minute change of location for the run. Black Frost 31’s host hotel was supposed to be the Ramada Downtown Minneapolis, which closed suddenly at the end of 2007 and is slated for demolition. The announcement of the hotel’s closing came less than two months before the run was slated to happen. That didn’t give the Black Guard much time to find a new host hotel, but they did. Good work, gentlemen!
Recent Minnesota Leather History: “The Whippersnapper”
In honor of our out-of-town guests this weekend, your humble columnist is taking this opportunity to rescue a bit of obscure local leather history, give it a wider audience and preserve it for the ages—I hope, anyway.
Last year saw the brief but merry existence of a leather publication called “The Whippersnapper,” a newsletter that existed for the sole purpose of drumming up interest in Leather Leadership Conference XI (held last year in Minneapolis). Four issues were e-mailed to various leather lists on the internet, and a final issue was printed on yellow paper and handed out at the conference.
The name for the publication was suggested by Lady Carol, its editor. Lady Carol also thought the newsletter should include some humorous items and came up with a brilliant hook upon which to hang them: “You know you are a kinky Minnesotan if . . .” She posted a message on a local listserv asking community members to complete that phrase and send her their ideas.
Following are the responses she collected and included in various issues of “The Whippersnapper.” I reprint them here, taking no credit whatsoever for their creation, and thanking Lady Carol for her service in collecting them and various members of the community (you know who you are) for coming up with them in the first place.
Please note that, while a few items on this list very clearly relate to preparations that were underway for the conference, most of the list items are timeless. Also, please note that much of this list also will resonate with our kinky friends from Wisconsin.
You know you are a kinky Minnesotan if . . .
• The term “hot dish” can be used to describe both your potluck contribution and your date for the evening.
• Boot worship might involve salt residue.
• You check the temperature before you wear vinyl.
• The bearskin rug in front of your cabin’s fireplace is splattered with wax drippings.
• Knife play involves cleaning Bambi during hunting season.
• You take up fire play just for the warmth.
• You’re at a play party and everyone is excited because there are lemon bars.
• You’re at a play party and people are knitting.
• You’re at a kinky party and people are swapping recipes.
• You go to a play party and half the people there are talking about LLC instead of playing.
• Kinky includes Leather and Flannel instead of Leather and Lace.
• Leather and Levis turns into Leather and Long Underwear.
• Patterned wool socks are not part of a humiliation scene.
• Your date has so many layers on you can’t tell if they are crossdressing.
• You call them condoms because if you ask for a rubber your partner gets out the hip waders.
• You power your dungeon with solar panels—and you write it off on your tax form to get the Energy Credit.
• You keep the current Ace Hardware catalog in the stack with your other pornography.
• You have ever planned to use mosquitoes in your outdoor scenes.
• You have included mosquito play on your list of hard limits.
• You realize you have spent more time working on LLC in the last few months than you have doing kinky stuff.
And, finally:
• The safeword is “Uffda!”
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