Sex, Drugs and Hard Bodies: Tony Mills at the Saloon

(Article published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #237, June 25, 2004)

Dr. Tony Mills, a medical doctor treating patients living with HIV, is a long-term HIV survivor himself. He’s International Mr. Leather 1998 and a model for Colt Studios.

With credentials like that, it was no surprise that on Thursday, June 10, about 100 people packed the dance floor of The Saloon in Minneapolis to hear Dr. Mills discuss “Sex, Drugs and Hard Bodies.” A light dinner was served before Mills’ presentation.

Dr. Mills is Assistant Professor of Clinical Medicine at the UCLA School of Medicine and is also in private practice (<www.TonyMillsMD.com>). During his year as International Mr. Leather Dr. Mills was asked by HX, a magazine for gay men in New York City, to write an article on men’s health issues.

That led to his first men’s health presentation before an audience, which occurred at New York City’s Splash bar. Now, several years and many presentations later, Mills was in Minneapolis to deliver his take on the health issues concerning men today.

Mills started by talking about “Sex,” sharing with the audience the latest information on sexually-transmitted diseases including AIDS/HIV, gonorrhea, Chlamydia, syphilis and drug-resistant staph.

The next segment of Mills’ presentation, “Drugs,” dealt with ketamine (‘K” or “Special K”), GHB, crystal meth and other popular but problematic party substances. The “Hard Bodies” portion of the discussion dealt with the use of testosterone and anabolic steroids.

Other topics of discussion included poppers, erectile-dysfunction remedies such as Viagra/Levitra/Cialis, and the need for people living with HIV to be aware of cardiovascular and cardiopulmonary health issues.

Bill Burleson, representing the HIM Program of the Red Door Clinic, noted that Dr. Mills had given another presentation earlier in the day for health professionals. Burleson said he was impressed with Dr. Mills’ “client-centered” approach to AIDS/HIV and other health issues.

Another compliment for Dr. Mills came from medical student Mark Dunham: ‘I wish we had such good presentations in medical school.”

Also on hand for the evening were representatives of the organizations that made the presentation happen: pharmaceutical manufacturer Abbott Laboratories (which has also underwritten other talks by Dr. Mills) and area men’s health groups Project Positive (Clinic 42/Abbott-Northwestern Hospital), HIM Program (Red Door Clinic, Minneapolis), Pride Alive/Minnesota AIDS Project, Pillsbury House Communities, Minneapolis Urban League, Minnesota Soul Essence and the Minnesota Department of Health.

PHOTO: Dr. Tony Mills, right, with Kevin Sitter, a representative of Project Positive/Clinic 42, Abbott Northwestern Hospital.

Lambda Legal Publishes Little Black Book; What To Do If You’re Arrested While Cruising

(Article published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #237, June 25, 2004)

Spring is almost here. For some men, that means the outdoor cruising season will soon begin.

Unfortunately, whether outdoors or indoors, cruising for man-to-man sex in public or semi-public places carries with it the danger of police harassment.

Little Black Book, a new one-page publication by Lambda Legal, tells men who have sex with men what to do—and what not to do—if they are harassed or arrested while cruising.

The publication is part of a major national campaign by Lambda Legal to fight police harassment and other harms men face when cruising for sex.

Plans call for Little Black Book and its Spanish-language companion, El Librito Privado, to be distributed both in print and online through links on high-traffic websites catering to men who have sex with men.

According to Michael Adams, Director of Education and Public Affairs at Lambda Legal, “There have been many cases where police have entrapped men or intimidated them into giving up their rights.”

This happens in part because many gay men taken into police custody do not know their basic civil rights, and therefore allow them to be trampled upon by prosecutors or the police.

In some cases, according to Adams, police and local prosecutors inappropriately use laws, such as sodomy laws, that have been struck down and are no longer on the books.

Besides being a good primer on those basic civil rights, Little Black Book debunks many longstanding cruising myths.

For example, men who leave their driver’s license at home or in the car when they cruise might want to reconsider that habit. The publication notes that if you’re arrested, “Providing your ID (driver’s license, green card, passport) may decrease your chances of spending time in jail, especially if you don’t have a criminal record.”

Another example in Little Black Book might come as news to many men: “A cop doesn’t have to tell you he’s a cop, even if you ask.” Even if the undercover officer is hitting on you (rather than you unwittingly hitting on a cop), the publication notes that entrapment is difficult to prove.

Lambda Legal represented the plaintiffs in Lawrence and Garner v. Texas and scored a major victory when, as a result of that case, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down all laws banning consensual sex by adults in private, including oral and anal sex.

However, there are still many other laws on the books that can be used against men busted while cruising, such as laws against sex in public, laws against adultery or prostitution, or laws against criminal transmission of HIV.

The stakes can be high for men arrested while cruising. The publication notes that a conviction, or even simply being arrested, can result in a fine, jail time, forfeiting property, having to register as a “sex offender,” and can have consequences affecting military or immigration status, employment, licensing or child custody.

Many men panic when they are arrested. According to Little Black Book, that’s one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Other things to avoid are “trying to get it over with quickly by ‘confessing,’ trying to talk your way out of the problem, or trying to deal with the police on your own.”

Lambda Legal instead advises men who are arrested while cruising to remain calm and provide identification but to answer no questions without a lawyer. And not just any lawyer—”Your lawyer should be a criminal defense attorney, who understands the law and the courts where the arrest occurred.”

The full text of Little Black Book and El Librito Privado can be viewed and downloaded as a PDF file at Lambda Legal’s website (<www.lambdalegal.org>). The publication is being distributed to LGBT community centers, HIV/AIDS organizations that do safer sex programming, community-based health organizations and gay and lesbian national hotlines.

Plans call for banner ads linking to Little Black Book on the websites of various non-profit groups serving the LGBT and HIV communities. In addition, links to the publication will be placed on the home pages of high-traffic websites including Badpuppy, Cruising For Sex and Kinky Personals.

Yahoo groups that will post a link to Little Black Book on their homepages include Best Gay Sex Spots, Best Gay Sex Places, New York City PozQueers and Mano a Mano.

Lambda Legal is the oldest and largest non-profit legal organization devoted to advancing civil rights for lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, the transgendered and people with HIV or AIDS. Founded in 1973, the organization is headquartered in New York City and maintains four regional offices in Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta and Dallas.

Lambda Legal Offers Help Desk

One popular community service provided by Lambda Legal is a Help Desk. During certain hours Lambda Legal staff respond directly to callers seeking legal information and assistance with sexual orientation- and HIV/AIDS-related discrimination. The organization says it receives many Help Desk calls from men looking for legal assistance after being arrested or harassed by the police while cruising.

To the extent that the organization’s resources and priorities allow, Lambda Legal takes on legal representation of callers whose situations present significant litigation issues. For many others, Lambda Legal provides leads to other organizations and practical information that might help them address their problems.

Minnesotans can call the Help Desk at Lambda Legal’s Midwestern Regional Office in Chicago at 312-663-4413. Hours (Central Time, subject to change) are Tuesdays 1-3:30 P.M., Wednesdays 2-4:30 P.M. and Thursdays 10:30 A.M.-1 P.M.

Spanish Help Desk assistance is available Wednesdays 10 A.M.-noon by calling the South Central Regional Office in Dallas at 214-219-8585.

Lambda Legal says it greatly prefers to offer Help Desk assistance by telephone. If this is impossible, however, individuals can send an e-mail to <legalhelpdesk@lambdalegal.org>. It is very important to include in the e-mail the city and state where the incident occurred, so that the organization can refer to the laws of the correct jurisdiction.

Leather Lens: International Mr. Leather 2004

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #237, June 25, 2004)

Jason Hendrix of Washington, D.C., was chosen as the twenty-sixth International Mr. Leather (IML) on May 30 in Chicago. Here are pictures of some of the moments that made up this year’s IML weekend.

(These are photos of the new International Mr. Leather, Jason Hendrix, that you can outline and use as a graphic element , or possibly screen back and use as wallpaper.)

Thursday, 5/27, 10:06 P.M. Mr. Padlock Leather 2004 Rohno Geppert, from Phoenix, Ariz., draws his contestant number during the Thursday night opening ceremonies and contestant introduction. (He drew number 18).

Friday, 5/28, 3:28 P.M. The 2004 International Mr. Bootblack contest was another feature of IML weekend. Bootblack contestant Spanky, Mr. Mid Atlantic Bootblack from Washington, D.C., is shown practicing his craft.

Friday, 5/28, 4:06 P.M. Host hotel for this year’s IML weekend was the Hyatt Regency Chicago. This is the way the second-level lobby bar, “BIG,” looked all weekend. It’s the longest free-standing bar in North America. The bar’s motto also sums up many people’s IML experience: “Where bigger is better and more is more.”

Saturday, 5/29, 4:45 P.M. Some of the crowd at The Minnesota Party, held at Gentry on State Street. Left to right: Steve Brinduse, Jeffrey Winkler, Terry Cole, and Eric Pankratz.

Saturday, 5/29, 4:52 P.M. The Minnesota Party at the Gentry. Left to right: Chris Boudewyns, Mr. Mpls. Eagle 2004 Carl Byrd, Minneapolis Eagle owner Ed Hopkins, and Adam Johnson.

Saturday, 5/29, 9:41 P.M. Mr. Minneapolis Eagle 2004 Carl Byrd during Saturday night’s Pecs & Personality prejudging at the Hyatt.

Saturday, 5/29, 10:59 P.M. Mr. Minneapolis Eagle 2004 Carl Byrd during Saturday night’s Pecs & Personality prejudging at the Hyatt.

Saturday, 5/29, 9:12 P.M. Mr. Minneapolis Eagle 2004 Carl Byrd during Saturday night’s Pecs & Personality prejudging at the Hyatt.

Saturday, 5/29, 9:22 P.M. Contestants onstage during Saturday night’s Pecs & Personality prejudging. Left to right: Bavarian Mr. Leather Robert Hoepfner, Mr. Fetish Switzerland Thomas Schoch, Mr. Leatherman Toronto Remi Collette, German Mr. Leather Philipp Tanzer, Mr. Exile-Columbus (Ohio) Robert Dean Haas, Mr. Iowa Leather Robert Hawes, and Mr. Santa Clara County (Calif.) Leather Khol (partially shown at right).

Sunday, 5/30, 1:33 P.M. Former Minnesota resident Roger Gregg, now with Gotham Piercing, shows off some body jewelry at his booth in the Leather Market at the Hyatt. Gothan was one of approximately 120 vendors at this year’s Leather Market.

Sunday, 5/30, 6:29 P.M. All 56 contestants are onstage during the IML Contest Sunday night.

Sunday, 5/30, 10:36 P.M. Victory! Center, new International Mr. Leather Jason Hendrix flanked by, left, first runner-up Remi Collette and , right, second runner-up Thomas Schoch. Not shown is the new International Mr. Bootblack Alan Tunstall.

Sunday, 5/30, 10:36 P.M. Victory! Center (standing), new International Mr. Leather Jason Hendrix flanked by, left, first runner-up Remi Collette and , right, second runner-up Thomas Schoch. Kneeling in front is the new International Mr. Bootblack Alan Tunstall.

Monday, 5/31, 1:54 P.M. At the conclusion of the press conference, the new IML is surrounded by other competitors.

Minnesota Leather Pride 2004: United In Spirit

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #236, June 11, 2004)

“United In Spirit” is the motto of the Minnesota Leather Pride 2004 celebration, and the theme of leather/BDSM spirituality is woven through many of this year’s events.

This year Minnesota Leather Pride is spread over ten days, commencing on Friday, June 18 and climaxing on Sunday, June 27, which is also the final day of the Twin Cities GLBT Pride Celebration.

Scheduled to appear at Leather Pride events this year are noted local and national leather/BDSM activist/educators including Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar, bullwhip expert Robert Dante, dominatrix Amanda Wildefyre and, from London, International Mr. Leather 2003 John Pendal.

The many events being presented this year have required months of planning by the Minnesota Leather Pride planning committee. The committee includes members of various local leather/BDSM organizations as well as several independent community members. Official sponsors of this year’s Leather Pride events are Atons of Minneapolis, Knights of Leather, Minnesota Storm Patrol, MSDB, Shannon Blowtorch and Whipsters.

Minnesota Leather Pride is an all-volunteer, not-for-profit organization whose aim is primarily to cover the costs of presenting the Leather Pride events. In addition to admission charges at some events, Minnesota Leather Pride is supported by the sale of Leather Pride dog tags. The dog tags, a Minnesota Leather Pride tradition, look great on everybody and are eminently collectible. Besides, they entitle you to discounts on admissions to several of this year’s events and a 10% discount at Dreamhaven Books (904 W. Lake St., Minneapolis) during the month of June. Buy your dog tag at area businesses (see <www.mnleatherpride.org> for a list of participating sellers), at many Minnesota Leather Pride events, or at the Leather Pride booth in Loring Park during the Twin Cities GLBT Pride Celebration.

Several of this year’s Leather Pride events are included in the 2004 Minnesota Leather Pride Package, which includes the 2004 Minnesota Leather Pride dog tag and admission to three workshops and a ritual.

Priced at $45, the package represents a significant savings over the price of the events purchased individually. Also, space is limited at many of the events included in the package and only package-holders can be guaranteed admission. (The availability of tickets on an individual-event basis will be dependent on space available.) A limited number of packages will be sold. You can download a package order form at <www.mnleatherpride.org/tag_package.htm>.

Here’s the schedule of events for Minnesota Leather Pride 2004. Information is subject to change; visit <www.mnleatherpride.org> for additional information, updates and presenter biographies.

Trampling Demo (Atons Fetish Friday)

Friday, June 18, 10PM-Midnight, Minneapolis Eagle

This is the first official Leather Pride event (and a great place to buy your dog tag). Trampling is literally “walking all over someone”—and in a range of footwear, too. Sharina Nicole and Michael, the presenters, will also present a trampling workshop the following Tuesday (see below). No admission charge.

Floggapalooza

Saturday, June 19, 8-9PM, Minneapolis Eagle

A large-scale celebration of flogging (and another easy chance to buy your dog tag). No admission charge.

CBT for Daddy’s Day

Sunday, June 20, 2-4PM, Intermedia Arts (2822 Lyndale Ave. S., Minneapolis)

Learn all about the arts of CBT (cock and ball torture) from local dominatrix and performance artist Amanda Wildefyre. Admission is included in 2004 Leather Pride package or $7 at the door for non-package holders ($5 with dog tag).

Minneapolis Eagle Beer Bash

Sunday, June 20, 4-8PM, Minneapolis Eagle

Dog tags will be available as well as “all-u-can-swallow” beer.

A Smattering of BDSM Smorgasbord

Tuesday, June 22, 6:30-9:30PM, Patrick’s Cabaret (3010 Minnehaha Ave., Minneapolis)

An evening of three workshops: Singletail with noted singletail expert Robert Dante; Trampling with Sharina Nicole and Michael; and Punching/Breath Play with Jazz Thomas and International Mr. Leather 2003 John Pendal. Admission in included in package or $12 at the door for non-package holders if space is available ($10 with dog tag).

Spirituality Roundtable

Wednesday, June 23, 7-10PM, The Townhouse Bar (Blanche’s Cabaret), St. Paul

Join many of this year’s Leather Pride presenters and other community members in a roundtable discussion of the spiritual dimensions of leather/BDSM. Admission: free with dog tag (or purchase your dog tag at this event).

Workshop: The Magic of Temporary Piercing with Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar

Thursday, June 24, 6:30PM

An exciting three-hour program on temporary piercing (also called “play piercing” in the BDSM community). Origins, spiritual ramifications and rituals of other cultures involving temporary piercing will be explored, as well as techniques and safety considerations. Admission: included in package or $30 for individual event if space is available ($25 with dog tag). (See www.mnleatherpride.org for more details.)

Leather Pride Booth in Loring Park

Saturday, June 26 during Festival of Pride hours

Drop by the Leather Pride Committee’s booth at the Twin Cities GLBT Pride Celebration. The booth will be staffed by representatives of area leather/BDSM clubs and organizations. Community information will be available, and you can buy your dog tag if you haven’t already bought one. We’re easy to find—just look for the cage.

Spirit+Flesh: Ecstatic Rites Beyond Play Piercing with Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar

Saturday, June 26, 4-11PM for participants and dancers (8-10:30PM for witnesses)

Experience an exotic exploration of rites that move energy. Learn how piercing ceremonies in other cultures have been adapted to the contemporary BDSM world for consciousness shifting, vision questing, healing, and strengthening group connections. Workshop participants will receive preparatory instructions and exercises before being assisted by dancers in creating an intense group body ritual. Non-participants will witness and support the ritual. Witness admission is included in package or $30 for individual event if space is available ($25 with dog tag). See www.mnleatherpride.org for more details including participant and dancer admission costs.

Pride Parade Leather Contingent

Sunday, June 27, 10:30AM (parade steps off at 11AM), intersection of Hennepin and Washington Aves., Minneapolis

Come show your pride by helping to carry the 75-foot leather community flag in the Ashley Rukes GLBT Pride Parade. (Wear sunscreen and comfortable boots.)

Leather Pride in Loring Park

Sunday, June 27 during Festival of Pride hours

(See listing for Saturday, June 26)

In addition to these Minnesota Leather Pride events, leather types will be gathering during Pride Weekend at The Minneapolis Eagle for Scorch Fireball V. The beer tent will be open Friday and Saturday at 7PM ($5 admission). On Sunday the beer tent will open at 6PM ($10 admission) and will feature live music: local favorites All The Pretty Horses will be opening for Lola and the Red Hots. (You might know “Lola” as Tina of Tina and the B-Sides.)

International Leather Perspectives: An Interview with IML 2003, John Pendal

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #235, May 28, 2004)

John Pendal, International Mr. Leather (IML) 2003, will be sashing his successor this weekend in Chicago at the IML 2004 contest. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing him in front of an audience at Leather Leadership Conference 8 (LLC8) in New Orleans.

Pendal is a lifelong resident of England and currently resides in London. At the time of this interview he had traveled to 14 cities in the United States and 14 cities in Europe and Canada during his title year. He was therefore well qualified to present an international perspective on the leather community. He also talked about some of his experiences during his title year.

What are some of the differences in the leather scene on each side of the Atlantic?

The U.S. has a well-developed leather scene—you have lots of things away from a commercial environment. Whether they are in hotels or forests or are bike runs or BDSM education or the Leather Archives & Museum, it’s not all about commercial clubs with alcohol.

You have some freedoms in the U.S.—certainly when it comes to BDSM you can get away with a lot more than we can in the U.K. But you also have more restrictions. For instance, in San Francisco if you want to have a pint, a blow job and a cigarette you start off your evening in a bar and then go to a sex club. And then you go outside on the patio to have a cigarette. At The Hoist in London we do all three at the same place.

That’s convenient, but it makes the European leather scene very commercial, centered around bars and clubs, and that means it’s quite centered around alcohol.

There’s a higher standard of living in the U.S., which means a lot of people have dungeons and playrooms in their homes. Most of the apartments in Europe are so small you could never have a dedicated playroom—so your equipment is under the bed and you bring it out to play. And you have to “de-gay” the flat when your parents come ’round because there’s not a garage you can lock.

There’s a culture of giving to charity in America. American law encourages you, and it’s also a very philanthropic culture—perhaps because of your high standard of living.

On the other hand, the state provides a lot of health care in Europe that you have to do fundraising for in the U.S. If you have HIV in Europe it doesn’t matter if you have insurance or not—you’re going to get drugs from the state.

In Europe we’re a lot less concerned about status. In some of the cities I’ve been to in the U.S. people have told me things like, “Those are the tower blocks where the ‘A gays’ live.” In the U.S. you have in your newspapers roll calls of who’s given $500 to charity, who’s given $5,000. Even at some churches in the U.S., I’ve seen written up on the wall who’s given how much money—we don’t do that in Europe. We don’t brag about it because it’s not a big deal.

What about leather events and contests?

In the U.S. you’re very good at putting on big events like IML. Even Inferno [the Chicago Hellfire Club’s annual run, considered a “smaller” event by U.S. standards]—we don’t have anything on that scale in Europe.

There’s lots of travel within the U.S. to leather events because you don’t have to change money and you don’t have to learn a new language. But it’s rare to meet Americans who have traveled outside the U.S. In the U.K., 88% of our citizens have a passport—in the U.S. it’s more like 13%.

I think we in Europe have more diversity in terms of cultural experience, but that cultural diversity makes it harder to have big-scale events. You couldn’t get 15,000 people at an event in Europe without having eighty translators, while in the U.S. it’s enough just to have a sign-language interpreter.

The leather scene in Europe is a lot more relaxed. If you want to volunteer for something you don’t have to get a leather title first—you just do it. In the U.S. I hear people say, “Oh, he’s great in the leather scene, but nobody takes notice of him because he doesn’t have a title.” We only have ten leather titles in Europe because the only reason to have a title in Europe is to qualify to represent your country at IML.

In your title year so far, what have you enjoyed the most?

The place I was the most hedonistic was Kansas City. I call it the Axis of Evil: Kansas City, Tulsa, Dallas. They cook you big meals, they pour you big drinks, they play hard and evil, and there’s not a lot of attitude. I get on with the Midwest.

I think the event I enjoyed the most was Dungeon down in Fort Lauderdale. It’s an SM educational event, it’s nothing to do with titles, it’s just family. Some of the best tops in the world are there, and if you have passion and enthusiasm you can end up playing with them even if you’re the biggest novice ever. Not all events are like that. I think that of all the events I’ve been to, if I had to go further into debt to go back to one it would be Dungeon.

A question from the audience: During your travels so far what has touched your heart the most?

Say I go to a bar to do a fundraiser. Yes, I have to fly there—I get on the plane, someone else buys the ticket. That’s easy. And they want me to provide a few things to raffle, so I bring along a signed photo of myself. Maybe I also bring some free t-shirts from The Hoist—how hard is that?

Ten other people go around the bar on their hands and knees for the whole night doing crotch-to-floor raffle strips and working really hard to get money out of the crowd.

I’m told at the end of the evening, “We broke records for a fundraiser on a Friday night! And it’s all thanks to you!” And I think it was that team of people who worked so hard to sell the raffle tickets—they’re the ones who deserve the recognition.

So, what has touched my heart this year is seeing people who put out chairs for an event, or take tickets for coat checks and give all the money to charity, without any recognition. Who volunteer to sell raffle tickets, or drive me somewhere, or get me drinks from the bar because they can see I’m busy and can’t get away.

They do all of that and I’m the one who gets the glory. And I think that’s wrong, and I need to find a way to address that after the year is done because I have a lot of people who ought to be thanked, and they’re not the usual people who get thanked.

Married, With Leather

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #234, May 14, 2004)

David Kloss, International Mr. Leather 1979, is the first man to hold the International Mr. Leather (IML) title. Remi Collette, Mr. Leatherman Toronto 2004, will be competing in IML this year, 25 years after his husband competed.

When they first got together Kloss lived in San Francisco and Collette in Toronto. They divided their time between the two cities until Collette admitted to U.S. Immigration officials that he had a gay lover in San Francisco. Thereafter it became so troublesome for Collette to get into the United States that they decided it made more sense for Kloss to relocate to Toronto, where they were married on July 11, 2003.

Did either of you ever think that you would actually be married?

Remi Collette: Legally? No!

David Kloss: No!

Collette: We were as shocked as the rest of the world when it looked like marriage might become a possibility. And that’s why we didn’t have a big fancy wedding with all our friends. We knew that at any moment the opportunity might vanish because there was so much opposition.

This was not something we just ran and jumped into. We had been aware for some time that marriage for same-gender couples was being discussed in Ontario. We had already been registered as domestic partners in San Francisco, we had been living together for two years, we knew we were soulmates. When the opportunity was there, it just seemed like the perfect timing for the two of us, and we went for it.

Kloss: Same-gender couples can only be legally married in three Canadian provinces: Ontario first, British Columbia second, and now Quebec. There are other provinces that don’t want to legalize those marriages, just like there are states that don’t want to.

Collette: However, even in [dissenting] provinces the marriage is still recognized. For example, David and I are married in Ontario. When I go to New Brunswick, they still recognize our marriage—whereas in the States, if I get married in San Francisco and I go to Texas, they say, “Sorry, you ain’t married.”

Kloss: Now the federal government is working on making marriage for same-gender couples legal everywhere in Canada. Also, Canada passed a law on June 28, 2002, that basically said any relationship proven viable for over a year will be recognized, and the non-Canadian partner will be allowed to move to Canada.

In the United States the Permanent Partners Immigration Act (PPIA) has been in Congress for two years. This year it has approximately 121 co-sponsors in the House and about 11 in the Senate. What the PPIA would do is the same thing as the Canadian law—it would have allowed me to bring my partner, unmarried, into the United States by proving a viable relationship for a certain period of time.

Unfortunately, it’s not going far—even though it has the co-sponsors, it has not gotten out of committee.  To put it very bluntly, for most gay relationships between an American and a foreign national, the choice generally comes down to: you stay in your country and leave your love, or you follow your love and leave your country.

We know that in the United States there are 1,138 specific rights associated with the word marriage. One of those rights is the ability to bring a non-national partner into the country. Because same-gender couples can’t be married, we are denied that right.

Collette: And that’s pretty significant, when you think about it. You know, a lot of gay people are thinking, “Well, we’ve never had marriage, it’s never been important to us, we don’t buy into it, it’s a heterosexual institution.”

But what they don’t realize is that when we are denied a right that everyone else has, that makes two classes: them who have all the rights, and we who are not eligible for the rights. And that, as taxpayers, is unacceptable—or just as citizens, period. It’s not acceptable.

Kloss: As you can tell, we’ve become very politically motivated.

What are your lives like now, day to day? What does married life look like?

Collette: People may not realize it, but when you get married it does change things. When it is legal, when you’ve got it sanctioned by the rest of the world, it feels different. It sounds silly, I didn’t expect it, and it kind of threw me for a loop when I felt it. But it’s true.

David Kloss: Married life is wonderful! What we do, we do together—we do have other little parts of our lives that are separate, but for the most part we are a team. We also happen to be monogamous—monogamous in the leather world! And it works, and we’re happy with it.

What do you either of you see for the future? Now that you’re married, where do you go from here?

Collette: I see us growing old together—one of us a little bit faster than the other. (Kloss laughs) But it’s been three years now and I love him more and more every day, so I don’t see that ever being a problem.

We’ve faced a lot of hard times. He’s lost a relative. My mom has been very sick. We’ve dealt with health issues with David, we’ve dealt with the immigration issue.

When you think you can’t take any more, we hold each other, we support each other, and we get stronger.

I see our future very much continuing on that path of staying together, taking life one day at a time with each other, hand in hand.

A Leather Life Exclusive: Leather Leadership Conference 8 Explores “Routes to Power”

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #233, April 30, 2004)

The eighth annual Leather Leadership Conference (LLC8) recently took place at the Hilton Airport Inn, in the New Orleans suburb of Kenner, La. This year’s theme was “Routes to Power.” About 270 people attended LLC8, some coming from as far away as Israel.

Among the Leather Leadership Conference’s stated purposes are “to develop and strengthen the leadership and management skills of existing and potential new SM/Leather/Fetish community leaders and activists” and to “develop and promulgate broad-scope SM/Leather community policy.”

The conference was started in 1997 by leather- and GLBT-community activist John Weis. He modeled LLC on Creating Change, a leadership conference presented annually by the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF).

I was at LLC8 as co-host of a presentation by International Mr. Leather 2003 John Pendal, who traveled from London to talk about “International Leather Perspectives.” You’ll read more about our presentation in an upcoming Leather Life column; you can see what Pendal has to say about his LLC8 experience at <www.iml2003.com>.

The conference opened Friday night, April 2, with a keynote speech by Travis Wilson of Houston, Texas. Wilson, who currently heads The New Club, one of Houston’s largest and most active BDSM organizations, has been involved in the scene for more than 25 years. You can read his entire speech at <www.leatherleadership.org/llc8/LLC8keynote.htm>.

A total of 44 seminars were scheduled on Saturday. They were divided into 6 topics, or “tracks”: Community Issues and Power, Economic Power, Organizational Power, Defending Our Lifestyle, Personal Power, and Legal/Political Power. Conference attendees were strongly encouraged to pick one track and attend the seminars associated with that track.

Although I had intended to ignore this recommendation, I wound up sticking to the “Defending Our Lifestyle” track, and I was not disappointed. Every presentation I heard was excellent.

Saturday’s first “Defending Our Lifestyle” presentation was “Weathering the Storm” by Jack McGeorge, the UNMOVIC weapons inspector in Iraq who was outed as kinky by the Washington Post. It was fascinating, and a bit disturbing, to hear McGeorge tell his story of enduring a twelve-day media firestorm and its aftermath. But his presentation went further, offering lessons that could be useful to anyone suddenly thrust into a public controversy—or anyone wanting to be supportive of someone else who found themself in such a position. (Read the outline of his presentation at <www.leatherleadership.org/library/weatheringstorm.htm>.

Larry Manion, a member of the LLC Board from the St. Louis area, presented “It’s 2004: What’s Next?” Manion led the audience in considering recent events including the article about BDSM in the Jan. 19, 2004 issue of Time Magazine (<www.time.com/time/2004/sex/article/bondage_unbound_growing01a.html>), gay marriage protests across the nation, two BDSM events getting thrown out of host hotels last fall, and the few ragtag picketers who were at that very moment in front of our host hotel. Led by Manion, the audience tallied all these events—were we winning or losing? Where do we go from here? How best can the leather/BDSM community meet the challenges facing it?

Alan Maclachlan, a member of the LLC Board from New Orleans, and Jack Rinella, a leather/BDSM writer and educator from Chicago, teamed up to present “Hanging Ten on a Wave of Historical Inevitability.” Their thesis: Change “creates new social arrangements which frequently lead to conflict with entrenched ways of doing things.” An examination of the history of the struggle for gay rights in Chicago became a metaphor and a possible roadmap for the struggle for leather/BDSM sexual freedom.

Jay Wiseman, author of the classic SM101 and many other books, has been attending law school recently. He put his training as a mediator to work in an interesting seminar on community disputes and conflict resolution.

Dr. Charles Moser presented “The DSM and Internalized BDSM Negativity.” The “DSM” here is not the last three letters of “BDSM”—it stands for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (4th Edition, Text Revision), published by the American Psychiatric Association. This book of psychiatric diagnoses still lists Sexual Sadism and Sexual Masochism as valid diagnoses for mental illnesses requiring treatment. Moser discussed how these diagnoses support oppression of BDSM participants, how they affect the way BDSM participants feel about themselves, and why they do not belong in the DSM.

Other seminars in other tracks included “Transfriendly Spaces,” “Alpha Bottoms: Being a Leader in a D/s World,” “The Economics of Conventions,” “Tribalism: A Balanced Approach to Club Government,” “Surviving Burnout in the SM Lifestyle,” and “Grassroots Organizing for Beginners.”

Another notable seminar was a screening of a preliminary version of “50 Years of Success: The Satyrs Motorcycle Club,” a documentary film made by Satyrs members who also happen to be involved in the movie industry. (Well, the club is based in Los Angeles.)

Sunday morning’s agenda was panel discussions and Q&A “town meetings” by track: “What Makes Groups Work,” “Professionalism versus Volunteerism,” “Organizational Responsibilities,” “Separatism, Pansexuality and Political Power,” “Out or Not: Public or Private Lifestyle,” and “Texas Sodomy Decision.”

The conference ended with a closing keynote address by Dossie Easton, noted author of The Ethical Slut and other books.

Following Easton’s keynote address, Jared Keen, of the LLC8 Programming Committee, presented “A Destination Proclamation: A roadmap for change in the leather community.” This document, available at <www.leatherleadership.org/library/LLC8proclamation.htm>, represents “a compilation of points accumulated from responses to questions presented to attendees of LLC8.” After listing nine points, the proclamation notes that “If each community embraces one of these points, or even part of a point, the Leather Movement will begin to be recognized as a political, economic, and social influence in the world.”

In addition to the documents cited above that are available at The Leather Leadership Conference’s website (<www.leatherleadership.org>), there are many other documents from past conferences.

Next year’s LLC9 will be held in Phoenix, Ariz. And get ready, Minnesota, because plans are being made to submit a bid to host the conference in the Twin Cities in 2007.

That’s only three years from now. Time to get busy.

PHOTOS:

Travis Wilson

Jack McGeorge

Larry Manion

Alan Maclachlan

Jack Rinella

Dossie Easton