Music Review: Liza with a “Hmmm . . .”

(CD review published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #174, January 25, 2002)

Liza Minnelli Ultimate Collection, Hip-O Records (A Universal Music Company) 314 556 504-2

Some day a record company will come out with a fabulous Liza Minnelli compilation that will do her justice. This isn’t it, although none of the currently-available Minnelli compilations are much better. Two tracks from her early years on Capitol are historically interesting: “Try to Remember” from her 1964 debut album and “Together (Wherever We Go),” a duet with her mother, Saint Judy Garland. A few of the thirteen tracks from her pre-Cabaret years on the A&M label are pleasant; my favorite of these is “Love Story” by Randy Newman, and “Simon,” by Liza’s husband-at-the-time Peter Allen, is here available on CD for the first time. But seven tracks, one-third of this CD, are from Minnelli’s New Feelin’ album from 1970, in which not even Liza could save standards like “Can’t Help Lovin’ That Man,” “Come Rain or Come Shine,” “Stormy Weather” and “Love For Sale” from being ruined by Rex Kramer’s cheesy, embarrassing rock arrangements.

The remaining six tracks are the Liza we all know and love (among them “Liza with a Z,” “Ring Them Bells,” “The Singer,” and one track erroneously listed in the CD booklet as “Theme from New York, New York, New York”). But where’s “It Was a Good Time”? Where’s “The World Goes ’Round”? And where’s anything after 1989’s Pet Shop Boys-produced “Losing My Mind”? A great talent like Liza’s deserves better than this. Can we have a nice multi-disc boxed set, please?

Local Leather News Roundup

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #174, January 25, 2002)

Atons Officer (Re-)Installation

On January 12 the Atons held their annual Officer Installation ceremonies, this year in conjunction with the January L&L (Leather & Levi) Night. Sworn in were Sam Carlisle, president; B.D. Chambers, vice-president; Keith Cheetham, secretary; and Paul Rozendaal, treasurer. If those names sound familiar it might be due to the fact that this year’s slate of officers is a repeat of last year’s. But hey, when something’s working well, why change?

Oscar®, Emmy, Tony, Grammy—and now Sadie

Minnesota Stocks, Debentures and Bonds (MSDB) announces the creation of the Sadie Awards, an interesting twist of the whole concept of community awards. Starting with the MSDB Fire Play class on November 17 of last year, the club has been accepting nominations for awards in various categories. Over a six-month period, a panel of judges will review various scenes, organizations, events and other lifestyle activities. Then MSDB, who with tongue firmly in cheek calls itself “the newest academy in town,” will be awarding prizes to folks who stand out for their contributions to the local scene. Recognition will be given for most memorable scenes, most creative costuming, theme, party; outstanding event, most informative demo and other categories to be determined.

MSDB’s mission with these awards is “to promote creativity and joy of BDSM. This is most assuredly NOT a popularity contest, but rather an honest desire to acknowledge and stimulate talent and artistry in our community.” MSDB is seeking input from the community—any suggestions for award criteria, nominations for judges or entries for the various categories should be forwarded to ladytek@hotmail.com. Nominations for judges should be for members in good standing from their club who attend other organizations’ events. Criteria suggestions are welcome from any and all interested parties.

Mr. Minneapolis Eagle Contest and Mr./Ms. MN Olympus Leather Contest looking for competitors

The fourth annual Mr. Minneapolis Eagle contest will be held in February. Prizes: first place $100, second place $75, third place $50. First-place winner represents The Minneapolis Eagle and the Twin Cities leather community in this year’s International Mr. Leather contest in Chicago over Memorial Day Weekend, with their airfare and hotel expenses paid by the Minneapolis Eagle and its sponsors. For more information, or if you’re interested in competing, talk to a bartender at the Eagle.

This year’s Mr./Ms. Olympus Leather contest, held in conjunction with the Pantheon of Leather Community Service Awards, takes place in Chicago the weekend of Feb. 15-17. Although Minnesota claims two national Olympus Leather titleholders from prior years, at this writing it appears Minnesota will not be represented among this year’s competitors. The organizers of the Minnesota branch of this contest are looking for contestants from whom to choose a Mr. and Ms. Minnesota Olympus Leather to represent the state in next year’s national contest; anyone interested in competing should contact dcoral@hotmail.com.

New Director at Leather Archives & Museum

The Leather Archives & Museum (all together now: “Located in Chicago, Serving the World!”) is getting a new director. Joseph W. Bean, who will be retiring from the Executive Director position at the end of January and who created that “Located in Chicago . . .” line, became Executive Director of the LA&M in 1997. Under his leadership the Archives was able to move from a storefront on North Clark St. to its own (much larger) building at 6418 Greenview Avenue.

Rick Storer will take over as Executive Director at the beginning of March. Storer is a Chicago resident who has worked as a volunteer for both the LA&M and the International Mr. Leather contest. He is also actively involved in Masters and Slaves Together.

Out of the Closet and Into the Museum(s)

The Leather Archives & Museum isn’t the only organization interested in documenting and preserving our leather heritage. Our very own Minnesota Historical Society, located in the shadow of the State Capitol in St. Paul, has a large collection of documents and artifacts related to the history of GLBT folks in Minnesota. And they want more—they want us, the leather community! One of their themes for this year, “Out of the Closet and Into the Museum,” highlights their drive to enlarge their GLBT collection in certain areas which are now under-represented—such as the leather community, especially representative leather garments.

The aim of this project is to get local individuals, clubs and organizations involved in funneling as much of our history as possible, in all forms, to both the Leather Archives & Museum in Chicago and to the Minnesota Historical Society here at home. (I’ll bet there’s enough history to go around.) You’ll hear more about this as the year goes on; until then, if this sounds interesting and you’d like to be involved, please contact me through the Lavender Magazine website (www.lavendermagazine.com).

Bottoming to God

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Whatever!

(Item for “Whatever!” column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #172, December 28, 2001)

How much have things changed since Sept. 11? Enough that this year’s Ballet of the Dolls Nutcracker (Not So) Suite, while still outrageous and campy, included two red-white-and-blue patriotic segments. A rousing march/ballet choreographed to “The Stars and Stripes Forever” was followed by a second ballet number accompanied by Whitney Houston singing “The Star Spangled Banner.” The Dolls were completely and appropriately respectful, which seemed to take many members of the audience by surprise—the night we were there, choreographer Myron Johnson had to gently remind the audience to stand for the playing of the national anthem.

Atons Holiday Fundraiser

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #172, December 28, 2001)

On December 9 there was holiday spirit in abundance as The Saloon hosted the Atons’ third annual Holiday Fundraiser and Silent Auction. Over 50 items were auctioned off including leatherwear, rubberwear, toys, original art, books, collectibles, and gift certificates to local businesses.

Leather barber Vince spent the evening cutting hair and two bootblacks spent the evening shining boots. Once the hair was cut and the boots were shined, one could have one’s picture taken with Leather Santa (Saloon manager Walter McLean) by Portfolio Studios. Videographer Chrys Zaglifa documented it all with on-camera help from Lavender editor Timothy Lee.

Over 700 lbs. of food were collected for the Aliveness Project’s Holiday Basket program, while donations at the door and auction proceeds raised over $3,750, again for the benefit of the Aliveness Project.

PHOTO ATFX-01, ATFX-02: Lavender editor Timothy Lee, left, was the roving on-camera reporter helping Chrys Zaglifa, right, videotape the event.

PHOTO ATFX-03: Atons member Paul Rozendaal gives Atons president Sam Carlisle a big bear hug.

PHOTO ATFX-04: Some of the silent-auction merchandise.

PHOTO ATFX-05, ATFX-06: Left to right: Toby Trevis, Mark Hall and Frank Bohlander.

PHOTO ATFX-07: Left to right: Atons members B.D. Chambers, Brian Spence, Tom Burger and president Sam Carlisle. Spence’s shirt reads “Be Naughty—Save Santa the Trip.”

PHOTO ATFX-08: Bootblack David Page polishes Sherman Ford’s boots.

PHOTO ATFX-09, ATFX-10: Paul Honigs, right, gets a trim from leather barber Vince, left.

PHOTO ATFX-13: Joy and Michelle—some of their best friends are leathermen and leatherwomen.

PHOTO ATFX-16: Left to right: Mike Welton and Atons members Jim Courtney and Mark Ludwig.

PHOTO ATFX-17: Some of the food collected for the Aliveness Project.

PHOTO ATFX-21: Members of the Black Guard of Minneapolis. Left to right: (unidentified), Tom Weiland, Black Guard president Ric Stokes, Mike Delorme, Bruce Gohr, Pat Duffy.

PHOTO ATFX-22: Russ Helbig, right, gets a bootshine from bootblack Brian Preston, left.

SANTA WALTER.TIF: This year’s Leather Santa was Saloon manager Walter McLean.

Leather Carols

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #171, December 14, 2001)

As the song says, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” What would the holidays be without Christmas carols? And what would they be without Christmas carol parodies circling the globe, riding on an e-mail sleigh and delivering mirth and joy to millions of good little girls and boys?

But although I’ve seen versions of Christmas carols (and rewrites of “The Night Before Christmas,” too) that could be termed bawdy and/or lewd, I’ve never seen any leather Christmas carols. So, in the spirit of the season, I have written some and present them here for your holiday entertainment.

Master Claus is Coming to Town

Get ready to groan, get ready to sigh
Get ready to moan, I’m telling you why
Master Claus is coming to town.

With little tin cuffs, little toy clips,
Flogger-tog-togs and whippie-tip-tips,
Master Claus is coming to town.

He knows what you’ve been craving
And how much you can take.
He knows sometimes what’s bad is good,
And he’s good—for goodness sake!

So, you’re gonna be black, gonna be blue
Gonna be flying when Santa is through,
Master Claus is coming to town!

I Saw Mommy Topping Santa Claus

I saw Mommy topping Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
She took off his red suit
And said, “Gee, you sure look cute!”
And then she got him warmed up
With a flogger made of jute.
Then I saw Mommy paddle Santa Claus,
Swatting at his butt so snowy white.
Oh what a shame Dad didn’t see
(He would have watched with glee)
Mommy topping Santa Claus last night!

Santa Daddy

Santa Daddy
Slip some leather under the tree
For me
Like a jacket and chaps, Santa Daddy,
And hurry down the chimney tonight.

Santa Daddy
Something that will show off my chest—
A vest!
I’d just think you’re the best! Santa Daddy,
And hurry down the chimney tonight.

Think of all the fun we’ve had
Think of just how good I’ve been when I’ve been bad
Haven’t I earned a nice return
For all that dungeon fun-time, Dad?

(Of course I have!) Santa Daddy
Forgot to mention one little thing—
A ring!
—I don’t mean for my hand! Santa Daddy,
And hurry down the chimney tonight.

Jingle Bells

Jingle bells, jingle bells,
Jing-a-ling-a-ling!
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sling!

If you enjoyed these, try creating some of your own—it’s actually not as difficult as you might think. Consider that one of the main symbols of the holiday is your basic Bear-type guy who wears big black leather boots and never goes anywhere without his toybag—and a riding crop to use on Rudolph and the rest of the reindeer. (What exactly do you suppose those “reindeer games” were, anyway?)

Happy Holidays, God Bless Us Every One, and To All A Good Night.

Two Holiday Gift Guide items

for Lavender Magazine Holiday Gift Guide issue

So you want to give a gift of leather to someone, but a) you’re not sure of their size or b) their leather wardrobe is complete and their toybag is bursting at the seams already. Local artist/fashion designer/leathercrafter Sean Doyle (www.seandoyle.com) has the answer: a pair of black leather goblets. The foot and stem feature a gothic-fantasy thorn motif, and the goblet’s leather bowl surrounds a glass insert that holds the libation of your choice. Price: $125 for the pair. For more information visit the website.

Here’s a gift he’ll appreciate all year long: The 2002 South of Market Bare Chest Calendar. Every year, San Francisco’s hottest leathermen compete in a series of contests, with the winners of each contest becoming calendar men for the following year. The calendar is put together by SMMILE, the same folks who present the Folsom Street Fair, and all proceeds benefit San Francisco’s AIDS Emergency Fund and Positive Resource Center. To purchase a calendar (and see a preview of this year’s calendar men) visit www.folsomstreetfair.com or send a check for $20 ($17 plus $3 shipping) to SMMILE, San Francisco CA.

The Fascination of Fireplay

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #170, November 30, 2001)

“How about a little fire, Scarecrow?” Anyone who has seen The Wizard of Oz remembers that scene—it’s almost like the Wicked Witch is coming at you with that fiery broom. Fire induces panic and fear, yet it can be fascinating at the same time. Fire seems to take on a life of its own as the flames jump and dance capriciously. And then there’s the romance of sitting in front of a roaring fire, safely contained in a fireplace.

Panic, fear, fascination and romance—no wonder fireplay is attractive to folks into BDSM. Local pansexual BDSM group MSDB recently presented “Baby, Light My Fire,” a fireplay workshop attended by an audience of about 35. In addtion to learning about the passion and spectacle of fireplay, audience members also heard useful information about fire safety, first aid for burns, and the scientific aspects of fire. The workshop was conducted by a top wearing jeans and a t-shirt with nine fire-breathing dragons on it, and a bottom who spent most of the workshop naked—a sensible way to avoid setting clothes on fire.

The workshop started with some safety precautions—here are just a few of the caveats discussed at the seminar:

• Fireplay SHOULD NOT be done on the face, around hairy areas (head, armpits, genital area, hairy chests or backs), on cut or infected skin, or around moles.

• Avoid fireplay on inappropriate surfaces, such as carpets or mattresses. Beware of clothing and long hair.

• Mood-altering substances and fireplay DO NOT mix. In the words of the demonstrating top, “You need a clear head and undiminished reaction time.”

• In a fire situation, do your best to remain calm. Panic only makes the situation worse.

• Have a wool blanket handy to snuff out fires. Wool does not support combustion at normal levels of oxygen and temperature. Wet towels are an alternative, but they can be messy.

Disclaimer: The descriptions of fireplay that follow are for illustrative purposes only; they are not complete instructions on how to do fireplay safely. Fireplay is edgeplay, and injury or death is possible. Do not play with fire unless you have had proper training and supervision from a fireplay expert.

Now that the disclaimers have been presented, here’s what the audience saw during the demonstration portion of the workshop:

After a warm-up session in which the top caressed his bottom’s skin with a burning, fragrant stick of incense (to her obvious delight), we moved on to flash cotton, which is simply cotton that has been treated to make it highly flammable. The top placed multiple bits of flash cotton of varied sizes all over the bottom’s back. Then, at irregular intervals, he used a small butane torch to ignite the pieces one by one, each time causing a bright, quick burst of flame. The cotton was so light that the bottom couldn’t feel it lying on her skin; she never knew where, when, or how big the next flash would be.

What did it feel like for the bottom? She explained that when the flash cotton was ignited the heat was brief, intense, and localized. Often the sudden intense heat was immediately followed by a chill. She also said that the element of surprise made the sudden combustion of the cotton feel almost like an impact.

To demonstrate alcohol play at the seminar, the bottom leaned against a stepladder so that she was bent slightly forward. With his hand, the top applied isopropyl alcohol (other kinds of alcohol don’t work for this) to the bottom’s back. Then he literally set his hand on fire (drawing gasps from the audience), and used his human-torch hand to ignite the alcohol stripe on the bottom’s back. There were more gasps as we watched blue streaks of flame run from the bottom’s waist to her shoulders. For the bottom, the sensation was the cool feeling of the alcohol on her skin, followed by the intense heat from the fire, followed again by a comparatively cool sensation when the flame burned out.

As with other forms of edgeplay, fireplay is not for everyone. Even though fireplay done correctly does not cause burns or other injury, a person who cannot overcome their fear of being burned is not a good candidate for fireplay because they won’t enjoy it. For those who think they might enjoy it, however, let me stress again that the best first step is finding a mentor who will show you how to properly and safely play with fire.

First Aid for Burns

Here’s some information from MSDB’s fireplay seminar about first aid for burns. This is good to know even if you never intend to do fireplay.

• First, remove the person from the burning situation, either by putting out the fire or getting the person away from the fire.

• Second, cool the burn with cool water until it feels better. Don’t use ice or ice water, which can contribute to shock.

• Third, bandage the burn loosely with sterile dressings.

• “Critical burns” are burns which must receive attention as soon as possible from medical personnel. These include second- and third-degree burns (marked by blistering or charring), burns to the face, hands or feet, burns over more than 10% of the body, or burns sustained by infants, children or elderly people. Do not apply ointments, salves, or anything other than cool water and sterile dressings to a critical burn, and do not try to remove burned or charred skin from the wound.

Upcoming Leather Events (for Calendar section)

Atons Holiday Fundraiser and Silent Auction
December 9, 2001, 6-10 P.M., The Saloon
What would the holidays be without friends and traditions? The Atons present their traditional holiday fundraiser, food drive and silent auction, which this year benefits the Aliveness Project. Come bid on the fascinating and useful items that have been donated to the Silent Auction. (Call or e-mail if you have something to donate.) Admission is $5 plus 3 lbs. of food (or $10 without food donation).