The Leather Life Interview: Jason Hendrix, IML 2004

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #251, January 7, 2005)

PHOTO: Jason Hendrix, International Mr. Leather 2004

You can tell by the way he smiles, and from his easy and hearty laugh, that International Mr. Leather (IML) 2004 Jason Hendrix is a genuinely happy guy.

He’s also a busy guy. Since Hendrix won the IML 2004 title last May he has appeared at seventeen events throughout the U.S. and in Canada and Germany.

But he wasn’t too busy to grant me a phone interview, so I called him at home one recent Tuesday night.

Leather Life: So, Jason, what are you doing right now?

Jason Hendrix: I’m doing laundry, and after I get off the phone with you I’ll be balancing my checkbook and paying bills. I’m doing laundry because I leave on Friday to go to Nuremburg, Germany.

What events have you done so far this year? I’ve got a partial list: Washington, D.C. Pride; Folsom Street East in New York City; San Francisco Gay Pride; a fundraiser in Baltimore; Mid-Atlantic Leather Sir/boy in Washington, D.C.; IMsL; Great Lakes Leather Alliance in Indianapolis; and Berlin Folsom Europe in the beginning of September.

Then I was in Kansas City for the Mr. Dixie Belle contest, and then San Francisco for the Mr. San Francisco Leather contest and Folsom Street Fair. The next weekend I judged the Mr. New York City Eagle contest. The next weekend I was in St. Petersburg, Florida for the International Leather Sir/Leatherboy contest. Then the next weekend I had off! And then, let’s see, I was in Detroit, Michigan for a fundraiser, and then Hartford, Connecticut, as a judge for the Mr. Connecticut Leather contest.

Then I was at the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force meeting in St. Louis. Then I was in Washington for my stepdown as Mr. D.C. Eagle, then I was in Toronto for Mr. Leather Toronto and my first runner-up Remi Collette’s stepdown. I stayed with Remi and his lover David—David Kloss, the first IML—and had a great time.

So now I go to Germany. And then it all starts back up again Martin Luther King Weekend with the Mid-Atlantic Leather Weekend.

Whirlwind schedule—I’m exhausted just hearing about it. How many weekends have you had off since you won the title?

I haven’t counted. I know I’ve had off more than John [Pendal, IML 2003], and part of that is because I didn’t have the luxury of not working. In fact, when John put the medallion around my neck and put the sash on me that Sunday night at IML, he leaned over and he said to me, “Don’t quit your job.”

The voice of experience.

(Hendrix laughs) One of the most difficult things I’ve found in being IML is that doing it alone is really hard. I’m still working my job [with the National Alliance of State and Territorial AIDS Directors in Washington, D.C.]. I’m trying to get in as many hours as I can during the week while I’m here. Sometimes I work Monday through Thursday ten hours a day so I can get Friday off and go away for the weekend. And trying to juggle that with IML, which is almost a full-time job itself, and home, and finances—it becomes a real challenge for me to get it all done.

But after next weekend I’m going to have about five weeks that I don’t go anywhere, and it’s going to be a great time for me to catch up on my first six months of paperwork and to finish writing my journal of what I did the first six months [to be posted on the web at Hendrix’s website, <www.iml2004.com>].

Are all the events blurring together? Are there things that you remember about each one? For instance, how was IMsL [the International Ms Leather contest]?

IMsL was interesting—I told one friend of mine, “You know, I felt like the most popular kid in high school.” Everybody wanted to come and sit down beside me, and everybody wanted to shake my hand and congratulate me. It was a little overwhelming. But I had a great time.

It’s very interesting for me to be going to these events as the current IML, because in my mind before I was IML I looked at a man who was an International Mr. Leather, and, you know, this person has achieved a certain status and a certain rank and a certain—something. You know, in my head I had built up who this person was. Now I meet people, and they’re like, you know, “I can’t believe it’s you! It’s such an honor to meet you!” and to myself I’m like, “Okay, I understand that, but I’m just Jason.” I don’t really get caught up in all the celebrity part of it.

What’s been really nice, too, is wherever I go there are guys from my class there, that I competed with in IML. IML was such an incredible experience. You get there Wednesday night, and you start with the pre-registration. One of our classmates, Mr. Oregon, had started a Yahoo group for all of us. In the weeks before the contest people were saying, “We should all get together, let’s meet somewhere and have dinner together.” Finally I got on there and said, “I’ll make a reservation, how many people want to go to dinner?” We ended up having like 40 people for dinner Wednesday night, and we just started there, meeting and getting to know each other. And then suddenly it’s Sunday, a few nights later, and it’s like, “Omigosh, it’s going to be over in a few hours!” It was very sad, because you didn’t get to know everyone, but I got to know a lot of guys, like, really close. After this experience I have a lot of men who I know will be friends for the rest of my life. They’re just really great men—I listened to parts of their lives, and the things they’re doing in their community, and I thought, “Wow, there’s no way I am going to be able to stand next to them.” It was quite incredible and humbling to be with these men, and they took up the job after IML was over—they went back to their communities and continued doing the work that they were doing. They didn’t stop just because they didn’t win IML—they kept doing the work, which is really, really important and really impressive.

I have to tell you, though—I have heard many other IMLs say exactly what you just said about, you know, “I saw all these other men, and wondered how can I possibly compete with them?” and they’re the ones who went on to win. So, that seems like that’s pretty universal. If you didn’t have that reaction you probably wouldn’t win.

Right. I mean, I have heard stories, which I know are true, about men who either didn’t make the top 20 or they didn’t make the podium, and they either threw temper tantrums or packed their bags and left Chicago. But that’s not what it’s about! I don’t understand what they thought was going to happen, because for me it was like, whatever happens, happens. I’m going to do my best and see what the outcome is. Anybody that sees the DVD or the video can tell that when they called my name, I was in shock!

I got a picture of you at that exact moment—your mouth is hanging open, and your hands are coming up to your mouth. It’s like you’re absolutely gasping in shock.

I was! I was—it was so funny because when I got there, they didn’t have a nametag for me. And the second day they said, “Well, everyone will have a nametag by Thursday.” I still didn’t have a nametag, I didn’t get one until Friday—everybody else had a nametag, but I was still just “contestant.”

And then we picked numbers, and I picked #2—and I thought, I got a low number, and you know low numbers never win. Maybe I’ll make top 20, but low numbers never win, and I was so depressed about that.

I did my interview, and then I talked to other contestants who said, “Oh, my interview was so hard!” And I thought, “Uh-oh, mine wasn’t hard—why wasn’t mine hard?” So I said, “Well, what did they ask you?” And they’d tell me the questions they were asked, and I thought, “Okay, I got asked the same question, but I didn’t think it was a hard question.” They were just questions about yourself. And I thought that was kind of interesting, that some of them thought the questions were hard—the judges just wanted to know who we are, you know, they wanted to know what wasn’t written on the application.

Tell me about the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force meeting in St. Louis.

You know, Matt Foreman [executive director of NGLTF, the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force] came and spoke at this year’s IML contest and apologized for them not including the leather community for the first 31 years of their organization. So they made sure that I was there, IMsL was there, and International Mr. Bootblack was there—and actually recognized us the second morning of the plenary. And they showed my “I Want You to Vote” poster from the Leather Vote Project up on the big screen, and explained how great it was that we had all come together, and how we had teamed up with them and how vital and important the leather community was.

Until just now, I didn’t connect that speech at IML with the fact that you teamed up with NGLTF for the Leather Vote Project.

Well, you know, Chuck Renslow is also on the board of NGLTF, and they were looking for a way to reach the leather community. And they knew that one of the things I wanted to focus on the first six months of my year was the importance of voting—it wasn’t necessarily who to vote for, but the importance of voting, why it’s important and why we all need to vote. And then I would mention some of the things that we need to think about, and, you know, without saying who to vote for, kinda who to vote for.

A lot of people may know you from your Leather Vote Project poster. I was handing out Leather Vote Project palm cards at The Minneapolis Eagle, and I wish you could have seen the, um, “appreciative” looks when I handed the cards to people and they saw your photo.

But it didn’t work! The same administration is still in the White House! What do we do now?

Well, you know, I won’t say that it didn’t work. A lot of people were being pessimistic about it—but more people voted in this election than have voted in forty years. To get people out to vote, it was great. I think that our community really turned out well, and did great work, and got out there and voted. I had men contact me and say, “You told me to vote, and I want to let you know that I voted, and I had never voted before.” So that really meant a lot to me.

But I think the thing we need to do as a community is not to look four years down the road—we can’t think 2008, we have to think 2005, and 2006, and 2007, and our city councils, and our mayors, and our governors. It’s got to be across all levels—you just can’t say, well, we’ll wait for the next presidential election in four years.

What other causes are you working for this year?

Mentorship. There are so many people now who are going online to find their kink—you know, all of these websites, and you put your pictures up and talk about what you like to do. I’ll go in there and see these guys who are like, “Oh, yeah, I’m 25 and I’m a Master.” And I’m like, “Huh? How could you be—who trained you?” I’m 41 and I’ve been practicing SMBD for ten years almost, and I’m not a Master. How could someone who’s been having sex for a couple years be a Master?

But they don’t know. They just read something on someone else’s site, or talk to somebody else online, and they figure they know what they’re doing.

For me, when I came out into leather, the internet wasn’t really much of anything. So, when I wanted to find out about stuff, I saw a guy at my gym that I knew went to the Eagle, and I asked him if he knew someone who could teach me, that I’d like to learn some things. And he said, “Yes, it’s someone who I’ve used, I highly recommend him.” So I went that route.

I’m not sure how we as a community can get people back out into the community. I don’t know, but it’s bothersome to me and I’m not sure how we would address it.

Well, I’m glad that at least you’re talking about the issue.

One of the other things I hope to talk about in my last six months, and actually even after my year is up, is to get the message out that as someone who’s negative, to say that it’s okay to be negative, and to talk about how to negotiate safer sex.

You know, when you’re growing up you’re taught that the boy cuts the grass and the woman washes the dishes, and the boy plays football and the girl plays with her dolls, and women talk about their feelings and men don’t talk about that stuff—because it’s feminine to do that. So I think you see a lot of men don’t talk about or negotiate safe sex.

That’s one of the great things I learned with SM—to negotiate a scene beforehand, what’s allowable and what’s not. On the internet, they’re not really negotiating anything—they’re just saying, do you want to come over, hook up, whatever.

I’ve met guys and gone home with them, and things start getting hot and heavy, and I pull out the condom, and he says, “I don’t need that.” And I say, “I do.” And he says, “Well, okay.” He doesn’t care. But I think to myself, “I don’t know you, and I don’t know the last person you were with.” I don’t think people are thinking. And there are so many positive men who are into barebacking, and they think it’s okay because they’re only doing it with other positive men—but what about all the other things they can pick up?

When I went to Berlin I was really impressed with how sexually free everyone was—all the bars had darkrooms, but they also had condoms and lube—and the men practiced safe sex. I also don’t think there’s as much of a drug culture in Europe as there is in the U.S. right now.

Talking about your day job: Are they supportive? How have they been, having International Mr. Leather as an employee?

It was really interesting. After I won, the director, who’s my boss, was very excited. She said, “You know, you’re a gay leader now, this is so great!” She’s been really great about my saying, “I’m gonna have to squeeze some hours in here, and move some around there,” and I’m using up all my vacation that I had built up over the years, which is fine.

What a way to use up vacation!

Yeah, really! A couple months ago, my mother actually asked me, “So, are you going to take a vacation this year?” and I just started laughing—“But I call you every weekend and I’m in a different town, you know?” And I said, “No, there’s no vacation this year.” Sometime in the summer I’ll take a week off and enjoy having time to just be Jason.

Although, when I was in Canada I was talking to David Kloss—the first IML, remember—and I asked him, “Does it really ever stop? I mean, yeah, your year is over and then it’s the next gentleman’s turn, but I know that you’re always an IML.” And he said, “Yeah, you are—you are always an IML, and people will refer to you as that years and years down the road. They’ll say, ‘Oh, that’s Jason Hendrix, he was IML 2004.’” And I was like, “That’s kinda wild.”

Leather Lens: The Atons Holiday Fundraiser

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #250, December 24, 2004)

PHOTO CREDIT: All photos The Atons 32nd annual Holiday Fundraiser, held at The Bolt Underground on Dec. 5, included both silent and live auctions, food provided by the Rooster Bar & Grill, on-site leather barber and bootblack, and photographer Paul Nixdorf taking photos of people sitting on Leather Santa’s knee.

The evening raised over $4,000 for beneficiaries The Aliveness Project and Open Arms of Minnesota. In addition, 591 pounds of food was collected for The Aliveness Project’s food shelf.

PHOTOS:

01.jpg: Greeting people at the door were Atons Associate Rex Gaskill, Atons Treasurer Paul Rozendaal, Atons President B.D. Chambers and Atons Associate Paul Nicholson.

02.jpg: The auction merchandise was hung in the dungeon with care.

03.jpg: A sling, a frame and a Vikings rug, all up for silent auction.

04.jpg, 05.jpg and 06.jpg: Atons Associate and barber Brian Preston gives Toby Trevis a trim.

07.jpg: Atons Associate David Page does a bootshine.

08.jpg: Leather Santa (and Mr. Mpls. Eagle 2004) Carl Byrd. This is what Santa does to bad boys.

09.jpg: Leather Santa (and Mr. Mpls. Eagle 2004) Carl Byrd. Sitting on Santa’s lap is Jim Randall, Road Captain for Minnesota Storm Patrol.

10.jpg: Andy Gallaher representing the Aliveness Project.

11.jpg: Kevin Winge, Executive Director of Open Arms of Minnesota.

12.jpg: Bill Hudack, manager of the Rooster Bar & Grill.

13.jpg: Atons President B.D. Chambers acting at the evening’s auctioneer.

14.jpg: Atons Associates Ron Joki and Jay Pearson.

15.jpg, 16.jpg and 17.jpg: Matt Wambach and Atons Associate Ed Skjaret.

18.jpg: David Coral and Vicki Knight, members of the Knights of Leather.

19.jpg: Mark Pavelka, Thom Trampf and Mark Cady.

20.jpg: Mark Sinclair, Lawrence Lawyer and Vern Mielke.

21.jpg: Michael Damon.

22.jpg: Heine Stanhope, Phil Persons and Tom Tighe.

23.jpg: Paul Amundson (owner of the Gay Black Hills Inn in South Dakota) and Dot Trevis.

24.jpg: Frank Bohlander and Mark Hall.

25.jpg: John Crandall and Thom Johnson.

Leather Christmas Letter: The Sequel

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #249, December 10, 2004)

Last year around this time I wrote a column called “The Christmas Letter I Can’t Send.” I received so many positive comments that—guess what—I’m doing it again. Here’s this year’s Leather Christmas Letter from your humble columnist.

Dear Friends,

It’s been a mixed year, as years always are. Spectacular highs, of which there have been many, have been mixed with crashing disappointments, of which fortunately there have been few. Join me now for a brief look at the past year:

After hibernating in January, it was off to Chicago in February (Valentine’s Day weekend) for the annual Pantheon of Leather Awards, where I was one of the presenters of the President’s Awards. I also had the privilege of standing in for my colleague Robert Davolt, in whose name I presented a $1,000 check to the Leather Archives & Museum; Robert had raised the money at the publication party for his new book, Painfully Obvious: An Irreverent & Unauthorized Manual for Leather/SM (published by Daedalus).

The Mr./Ms. Olympus Leather Contest is a part of the Pantheon weekend. One of the four contestants was Toni Pizanie, a charming woman from New Orleans. Since we were staying at the same motel, we had some nice chats over breakfast. It turns out she’s also a columnist—she writes “Sappho Psalm” for Ambush Magazine in New Orleans. (Check it out at <www.ambushmag.com>.)

In mid-March I helped judge the Mr. Minneapolis Eagle 2004 contest; the new titleholder, Carl Byrd, was selected from a field of six contestants.

April started off with another publication party for another book by another friend who’s an author (and a former Lavender colleague), Abigail Garner. Her book, Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It Is (published by HarperCollins), is fascinating, thought-provoking and myth-exploding. With all the talk of “family values” being bandied about these days, this is a worthwhile read.

The day after Garner’s party I flew to New Orleans for the eighth annual Leather Leadership Conference (LLC), where I co-hosted a presentation on “International Leather Perspectives” with International Mr. Leather 2003 John Pendal. We both stayed in New Orleans an extra day after the conference, and I thoroughly enjoyed being John’s New Orleans tour guide. And I got together with Toni Pizanie again. (Because I was in New Orleans I had to miss the Black Guard’s Black Frost 27 run, which was held the same weekend.)

I was impressed enough with LLC in New Orleans that I came back to the Twin Cities carrying application materials to bring the conference to Minnesota in 2007. A group of amazing people has come together to work on this process; our bid has to be to the LLC board of directors by January 2005. If the bid is accepted there will be plenty of volunteer opportunities for anyone wishing to help with everything involved in putting on the conference. Stay tuned.

Partner Bill and I went to Chicago over Memorial Day weekend for the International Mr. Leather (IML) Contest. This was the eleventh IML I’ve attended and the tenth one I’ve covered for Lavender—and I still enjoy it immensely.

The weekend after IML, the Knights of Leather presented their “Sweet 16” Tournament run. It was a great weekend in the woods, and it was especially enjoyable this year because not once did I need to use mosquito repellent. But roughing it is not what it used to be—an increasing number of campers now use CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machines while they’re sleeping. Next year the Knights might have to rent a generator to power them all.

It’s been a long time since an International Mr. Leather titleholder visited the Twin Cities—and then in June we hosted two of them. On June 10, IML 1998 Tony Mills presented an excellent seminar at The Saloon on men’s sexual health. Then John Pendal, no longer the current IML, visited the Twin Cities for a week during Minnesota Leather Pride.

This year’s Leather Pride celebration was the biggest yet, with well-attended events spread over a week and a half. In addition to Pendal, Cleo Dubois and Fakir Musafar were on hand to conduct several workshops. Leather’s visibility in Loring Park during the Pride Festival has never been higher—the cage next to the leather booth attracted a lot of attention.

In July I wished I could have figured out how to split myself three ways. I attended my sister’s wedding and consequently missed the International Ms. Leather contest in Omaha and the Atons Gopher XVI run. At times like this I remember what J.D. Laufman, my leather mentor, told me when I became a titleholder in 1993: “Just remember, you can’t cut every ribbon at every supermarket.”

This year’s hellos and goodbyes include a big “Hello!” to The Bolt Underground and the adjoining restaurant that opened as the “Rainbow Rooster” and is now simply the “Rooster Bar & Grill.” Two other newcomers I enjoy are Query Booksellers and Wilde Roast Cafe. And in March the community said a heartfelt “Goodbye, and thanks for everything” to Saloon General Manager and DJ Walter McLean.

After I wrote a column called “Give Bush the Boot,” I figured I’d better put my money (and my time) where my mouth was, and much of my autumn was spent doing political volunteering.

While I’m still dealing with the disappointment (putting it mildly) of the election results, there’s another loss to deal with. Add my voice to the chorus of outrage at the sale of WCAL-FM by St. Olaf College in Northfield to Minnesota Public Radio. WCAL was on the radio at our house literally from sun-up to sundown, and it will be impossible to replace. My thanks go to all who tried to save it.

Irons currently in the fire: Continuing to work in the advertising department of the local major national discount retailer; continuing to write this column; finishing a book of collected columns (I actually found some time to work on it this year!); helping to put in the bid to bring the Leather Leadership Conference to Minnesota; and quite probably another project about which I will say only two words now: “Leather Image.”

I’m grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had this past year and for all the people I’ve been privileged to meet and become friends with. I’m grateful for Bill, my loving and supportive partner, and for my wonderful family, both biological and family-by-choice. Thank you to everyone at Lavender for keeping the printing presses running and allowing me to write another column every two weeks.

And a big thanks as always to you, my readers. Whatever you celebrate this time of year, here’s wishing you a happy, healthy and safe holiday season.

Recommended Reading: Books for reading and giving

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #248, November 26, 2004)

From the many excellent books on leather and/or BDSM that have been published over the years, here is a very arbitrary selection—many of them taken directly from your humble columnist’s bookshelf—that only scratches the surface (so to speak) of what’s available.

Almost any of these books would make excellent reading for those curious about, or just starting to explore, leather and/or BDSM.

Even if you’ve been in the scene awhile—whatever your age, gender, orientation, preference or experience level, you’ll find something appropriate and worthwhile among the following.

Urban Aboriginals: A Celebration of Leathersexuality by Geoff Mains (Daedalus)—A trail-blazing mid-80’s look at the development and then-current state of the gay men’s leather community. Also includes still-timely discussions of leather spirituality and explanations of leather’s appeal. Mains, who had a Ph.D. in biochemistry, introduced the notion of endorphins as a component of SM sexuality and was among the first to draw parallels between leather and other tribal cultures throughout history. Brilliant and timeless.

The Leatherman’s Handbook and The Leatherman’s Handbook II by Larry Townsend (L T Publications)—The first Handbook dates from the pre-AIDS 1970s; Handbook II is a mid-80s sequel incorporating safer-sex information (and is the first book that your humble columnist read when he was getting into leather). Both books alternate between fact-sharing and storytelling (Townsend is a master at writing erotic fiction), which for some will heighten the reading experience. The tone of both books is rawer and more macho than the other books discussed here; Handbook II, especially, describes some heavy scenes and practices in unflinching detail.

Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player and Leathersex Q&A: Questions about Leathersex and the Leather Lifestyle Answered by Joseph W. Bean (Daedalus)—Bean is one of leather’s best and most prolific writers. Leathersex is a well-organized, straightforward introduction to leather sexuality; in the sequel, Leathersex Q&A, Bean responds to actual letters he has received over the years. His sensitivity, wisdom, and caring shine through both books.

SM101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman (Greenery Press)—True to its name, this is the closest thing I’ve ever seen to a textbook on SM—thorough, non-judgmental, suitable for all genders and all orientations. Many drawings and diagrams. Bonus: witty aphorisms (example: “That’s the thing I like about rope: One size fits all.”) that will have you thumbing through the entire book because you don’t want to miss any.

Chainmale 3SM: a unique view of leather culture by Don Bastian (Daedalus)—Totally unlike any other book discussed here, Bastian’s autobiographical masterpiece is risky, impressionistic, poetic, hot, intensely personal and eminently readable. An excellent right-brain introduction to leather.

Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics and Practice, Mark Thompson, Editor (Daedalus)—For beginners or for anyone interested in leather/SM spirituality, this is the ultimate compilation of essays on the topic by 25 brilliant writers.

Painfully Obvious: An Irreverent & Unauthorized Manual for Leather/SM by Robert Davolt (Daedalus)—A curmudgeon’s view of leather, this book is packed with priceless social and sociological commentary on how the leather community and its institutions work (or sometimes don’t). It made me laugh, it made me cry, and it made me think—what more can one ask?

The Toybag Guide to Dungeon Emergencies and Supplies by Jay Wiseman (Greenery Press)—Wiseman, a former ambulance paramedic, has packed a wealth of emergency medical knowledge and common sense into a very small, very portable book without which no toy bag should be considered complete. Useful when emergencies rise, it’s even better if you’ve read it before you need it.

International Mr. Leather: 25 Years of Champions, compiled, edited and written by Joseph W. Bean (Leather Archives & Museum)—Don’t buy it just because it will look great on your coffee table. Packed with rare photos and fascinating interviews and memoirs, this epic book is not just a history of the International Mr. Leather Contest, it documents the last quarter-century of the leather community in general. Twenty-five years in the making, I doubt we’ll see its like for at least another 25.

Here are some other time-tested leather/BDSM books to consider:

The Lesbian S/m Safety Manual by Pat (now Patrick) Califia (Lace Publications). Out of print, but you still might find a copy if you search.

Ties That Bind: SM/Leather/Fetish Erotic Style: Issues, Commentaries and Advice by Guy Baldwin (Daedalus)

Learning the Ropes by Race Bannon (Daedalus).

The Topping Book and The Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt (Greenery Press)

The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy (Greenery Press)

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon (Mystic Rose Books)

Different Loving: A Complete Exploration of the World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by William Brame, Gloria Brame and Jon Jacobs (Villard).

The Master’s Manual and The Compleat Slave by Jack Rinella (Daedalus).

Publisher and Shopping Information

Publishers of books listed above:

Daedalus Publishing Company: www.daedaluspublishing.com

Greenery Press: www.greenerypress.com

L T Publications: www.larrytownsend.com

Leather Archives & Museum (LA&M): www.leatherarchives.org (Support the Leather Archives and Museum! Visit their online gift shop for books and other merchandise suitable for holiday gift-giving.)

Mystic Rose Books: www.mysticrose.com

Villard, an imprint of Random House: www.randomhouse.com

Twin Cities Shopping Information

Many of these titles are either in stock or can be ordered at Dreamhaven Books in Minneapolis (www.dreamhavenbooks.com) or Query Booksellers (www.querybooks.com).

You might also find some of these titles, and many more holiday gift items, at MSDB’s Bizarre Bazaar on Saturday, Dec. 11, noon to 7 PM at Trikkx Bar, 490 N. Robert St., St. Paul (free admission).

Time Capsule: The Prescient Susie Shepherd

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #247, November 12, 2004)

Fifteen years ago, in October 1989, the men’s and women’s leather communities in Minnesota gathered together for the first Minnesota Leather Encounter (MLE) weekend. Part of the weekend was the first Mr. Minnesota Leather contest.

One of the judges of that contest was International Ms Leather 1989 Susie Shepherd. The following is an excerpt from the speech she gave that weekend. I present it here to show that fifteen years later, some things have changed but many have not. Shepherd’s message still resonates today.

Never when I won the International Ms Leather contest last year did I think I was going to the Twin Cities and have both my tits pierced and play bingo, all on the same day!” (Jim Ward, master piercer from The Gauntlet, was another judge for the weekend.)

I was real involved in politics for a long time, and because of that I kept myself in the leather closet.

I figured, if I’m busy lining up testimony—people to go over to the state legislature and people to come with me and talk to groups of psychiatrists and convince them that gay people are like everybody else— if I let them know I got all these kinky fantasies, they’re gonna think I’m really weird, and it’s gonna undo all the work I’m doing.

So I didn’t do that, and for a long time I found myself dying in this closet.

What I want to tell you is, if there’s anybody here who doesn’t know—and I think everybody does to some degree—closets kill!

And if there’s anybody here tonight who’s in any kind of a closet—take the fuckin’ knob off, kick the door out, and come out and be who you are!

I almost died in the leather closet even though I was the best little lesbian in the state of Oregon.

It doesn’t matter what kind of a closet it is, it’s gonna kill you. It’s gonna stifle you. It’s gonna suffocate you. It’s gonna be a long, slow, painful death.

We were trying to get a civil rights bill for gay people through the state of Oregon. I was behind a table with another lesbian at the University of Oregon in Eugene having people sign postcards to send to their state legislators.

This one man came up to us, and he had an umbrella in his hand, and he said, “You know what I think they ought to do with all those gay people? I think we ought to take them all, and line them up against a wall . . . .” and then he picks up his umbrella and uses it like a machine gun.

And I said, “Well, that really bothers me because I’m gay, and I don’t like that idea.”

And he said, “Well, I didn’t mean anything personal.”

There’s a Supreme Court out there that wants to tell low-income women what to do with their bodies. If those people want to tell heterosexual procreative women what to do with their bodies, imagine what they want to tell a bunch of kinky gay people!

Now, we’ve got the power to undo a lot of what they can do. Number one, organizing at the local level, we can get involved in judicial campaigns and we can help elect judges who are going to make the kinds of decisions that stand up when they go before the Supreme Court.

We also have the power in this room to hold fundraisers like what’s going on tonigh. so that if cases involving our people get to the court, we can hire good attorneys who can defend our people, so that if it does go to the Supreme Court we can be well represented, and have a much better chance of convincing the law of who’s right.

We are only as powerless as we let ourselves be. And as an SM leather dyke, I’m a botto, but the way that I do that is, I consensually exchange my power with whoever is topping me.

Out there in the political realm, that can be a real non-consensual exchange of power.

But if I get myself involved politically, then I’ve got the power to negotiate. And by doing that, I’m getting consensually involved in the exchange of power that guarantees me, as the American citizen, my right to be here on this earth.

Get Your Stocking Stuffed With Leather

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Barebacking, BDSM, and Bicycle Helmets

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #245, October 15, 2004)

It seems there are so many things lately I don’t understand.

I don’t understand why anyone would want to see George Bush re-elected president.

I don’t understand reality TV.

I don’t understand rap music.

And I don’t understand why anyone in their right mind would bareback.

Please understand that your humble columnist is an excellent example of someone who in financial circles is known as “risk-averse.” Given the choice between a high-risk mutual fund with the potential of big returns and a low-risk money market fund that pays a pittance, I’ll take the money-market fund every time. (I drive my broker crazy.)

I always wear my seat belt when I drive.

I look both ways when crossing the street—even on one-way streets.

And I was using condoms even before they were fashionable, because even before AIDS there were plenty of other venereal diseases I didn’t want to catch.

“So, Mr. Risk-Averse,” I hear you saying, “How does that square with writing a leather column? Here you are, writing about high-risk activities like SM sex and riding motorcycles.”

Yes, you’re right. And the contradictions get worse: I don’t ride a motorcycle, but I do ride a bicycle. And when I ride it, Mr. Risk-Averse doesn’t wear a helmet.

And why don’t I wear a helmet? Not because it’s too hot or too uncomfortable—not even because it might mess my hair. I don’t wear a bicycle helmet because I think bicycle helmets look dorky. I refuse to look like I’m wearing Darth Vader’s face mask, upside down and backwards, on top of my head.

And when I get on my bike without a helmet, do I get a rebel thrill because I’m cheating death? No. On the contrary, I try not to think about the risk. When I’m on my bike I’m in denial.

Sound familiar? “I don’t want to wear this condom. It’s uncomfortable. It’s confining. It interrupts the action while I put it on.” Or “I don’t want him to wear a condom. I don’t want to feel latex, I want to feel the intimacy of his skin.” How many people, all the while they’re having unprotected sex, are in denial that they’re doing anything risky?

Wearing a helmet, of course, has no effect on whether or not I will encounter an unsafe situation. I may encounter one or I may not. But if I do encounter an unsafe situation, I will be safer if I am wearing a helmet. Except for very rare, fluke occurrences, I will not be less safe with protection than without it.

There’s more to safety than simply wearing a helmet, however. Whether for biking, motorcycling or SM, another big safety factor is education and training: knowing safe ways to operate a bike, a motorcycle or a flogger simultaneously increases enjoyment and reduces risk.

Unprotected sex, or barebacking, is different from these other activities. It is inherently risky, and no amount of education, training or technique can mitigate that risk. The best way to make it less risky is just the same as with bicycles and motorcycles: Wear A Helmet.

But then, of course, it isn’t barebacking anymore. Barebacking’s aficionados would say that this advice is tantamount to saying the safest way to own a motorcycle is not to ride it.

There are only two circumstances of which I am aware in which barebacking can be considered to meet the definition of “safe” in the sense of the BDSM community’s “Safe, Sane, Consensual” mantra: a) two HIV-negative partners who are monogamous; or b) two HIV-positive partners who undergo medical testing, determine that they are both infected with the same strain of the HIV virus, and are thereafter monogamous.

Other than in these two rare and tenuous circumstances, barebacking is worse than riding without a helmet. It’s skydiving without a parachute.

The ethic of the leather/BDSM community is that we all look out for, and take care of, each other. If an activity is not safe, sane and consensual, it is abusive and should not be tolerated. Even in a situation where barebacking might unfortunately and perversely meet the consensuality test, it still fails the test of safety and, I would argue, sanity.

Why would anyone consent to an activity that will probably be (eventually) lethal, and will at the very least make life much more complicated and much less pleasant?

I suppose there are as many reasons to bareback as there are barebackers. Some think it’s romantic to be Mimi in “La Boheme.” Some think that becoming positive will bestow on them a life of sympathy and insurance benefits. Some think it’s intimate and romantic to share the virus with the one you love or to have them share the virus with you. Some are angry at being infected and want to infect as many other people as they can before they check out.

Some are fatalistic and figure it will happen to them eventually, so they might as well get it over with. Some take the opposite tack—AIDS will never happen to them because they are somehow invulnerable. (I would note here that there’s a great difference between saying, “It will never happen to me because I won’t let it—I will take action, every time, to protect myself” and saying “It won’t happen to me because I’m magically immune, and therefore I can do whatever I want and don’t have to worry about protection.” And yes, I know, that second instance is what I’m saying to myself as I ride my bike without a helmet.)

That’s what some people who bareback may be thinking. But the reality is that once someone seroconverts, there’s no going back. Life will either be very short or else will be filled with doctor visits, strict treatment schedules and an ongoing regimen of expensive drugs with major and unpleasant side effects.

There was a time when we didn’t know what caused AIDS and didn’t know how to stop it from spreading. An unconscionable number of people died as a result, and that was tragic. Now we know how to stop the spread of the virus, but in spite of this some people are intentionally helping to spread it. That’s still tragic, but it’s also perverse.

There are plenty of other, safer ways one can still enjoy sex—and perhaps even enjoy it more because one’s horizons have been widened. Be adventurous! Try something new (and, incidentally, safer).

I have no illusions that I can singlehandedly stop people from barebacking, any more than anyone can make me wear a helmet when I ride my bike. But I can at least say, “Stop and think about what you’re doing if you bareback. Realize the consequences.”

It’s all fun and games until someone gets infected.

Barebacking: Just Don’t Do It.