Hot for Teacher

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #244, October 1, 2004)

Graphic: MSDB patch

Minnesota Stocks, Debentures and Bonds (MSDB)—the name makes it sound like a financial services company. It isn’t—read the initials backwards and you’ll understand.

MSDB is “a Minnesota-based organization for people who are actively involved or seriously interested in BDSM lifestyles and activities.” It was started in 1999 and currently has about 120 dues-paying members. Membership is open to adults 18 or older, regardless of sexual or gender orientation or identification, religious belief, ethnic origin, or physical ability. The organization has become Minnesota’s leading presenter of BDSM education seminars and events.

MSDB’s educational offerings have included BDSM etiquette panel discussions; fireplay demonstrations; erotic writing seminars hosted by San Francisco-based writer and editor M. Christian; knife-play workshops led by noted knife expert Cristo; and several workshops on a variety of topics led by Cleo Dubois and/or Fakir Musafar. Also popular are MSDB’s kink-friendly first-aid and CPR classes (see below).

MSDB’s social offerings include monthly munches in Minneapolis and Rochester, Minn. and a Twin Cities-area Newbie munch for those new to BDSM, or involved in BDSM but new to the Twin Cities. (In BDSM parlance, a munch is a non-play social event, usually in a public place, at which kinky folks eat, drink and converse.)

The Minneapolis munch is the second Thursday of each month (the next one will be October 14) starting at 5:30 P.M. at Kieran’s Irish Pub, 330 2nd Ave. S. For more information e-mail <info@msdb-mn.org>.

The Rochester munch is the third Thursday of each month (the next one will be October 21) starting at 7 P.M. at Beetles Bar and Grill on 2nd St. S.W. E-mail <info@msdb-mn.org> for more information.

The Newbie munch is held at various Twin City locations on the second Saturday of each month and usually starts at 1 P.M. For more information e-mail <allisonwondrland@yahoo.com>.

Appropriate attire for all munches is street clothing (not fetishwear). There is no charge for any of the munches other than your own food and drink purchases (and a reasonable tip, of course). Everyone age 18 and older is welcome.

In addition to the activities it does on its own, MSDB has combined forces with other area leather/BDSM clubs and organizations for larger events like Minnesota’s annual Leather Pride celebration; it is also participating in efforts now underway to attract the annual Leather Leadership Conference to Minnesota in 2007.

For several years MSDB has been instrumental in coordinating a kink-friendly hotel floor in conjunction with the annual CONvergence Science Fiction Convention. At the present time it is working on becoming a partner organization with the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF).

The MDSB website (<www.mdsb-mn.org>) continues the organization’s educational theme by including a wealth of BDSM-related information, including a BDSM glossary, a FAQ (frequently-asked questions) list, an “Alphabet Soup” guide to BDSM- and internet-specific acronyms, and a link to a “Deviant’s Dictionary” of BDSM-related terms (also referred to as an “encyclopervia”). There also are tips for newcomers to BDSM and for submissives, and information about BDSM etiquette, safer sex, and other health and safety topics.

On the social side of things, the MSDB website contains comprehensive listings of both MSDB and non-MSDB events such as munches and gatherings, links to other leather/BDSM groups and vendors, and a “scrapbook” list of events the organization has presented.

One of MSDB’s goals for the future is to continue growing in order to be able to do even more. It currently has three to four education presentations a year but eventually would like to offer monthly educational seminars. At present MSDB has events planned for October, November and December.

The October MSDB offering will be a seminar on “Predicament Bondage” presented by Mistress Amanda Wildefyre (of “Confessions of a Lesbian Dominatrix” fame). According to Wildefyre, “In predicament bondage, the subject is tied so that any movement on his part increases the restriction on intimate parts of his body—which is amusing to me, and quite frustrating to my victim. Fun for masochists and bondagers alike! And what could be more erotic than a slave who tortures himself? Your own subjects will find out just exactly how they can become their own worst enemy.”

The seminar, which will be a mixture of instruction and live demonstrations, will take place at Patrick’s Cabaret (3010 Minnehaha Ave. S., Minneapolis) on Saturday, Oct. 23, 1-4 P.M. Advance tickets are $12 for MSDB members or $20 for non-members; tickets at the door are $25 for both members and non-members. Ticket purchase information is available on MSDB’s website.

On Saturday, Nov. 13, MSDB will be sponsoring its eleventh semi-annual safety class. In the class, participants receive instruction from a certified teacher from the American Red Cross. The morning class will be CPR for adults and the afternoon class will be general First Aid. The instructor is kink-friendly. Upon completion of the two classes, participants will receive certification from the Minnesota Chapter of the Red Cross.

The classes run from 9 A.M.-6 P.M. (CPR, 9 A.M.-1 P.M.; Lunch break, 1-2 P.M.; First Aid, 2-6 P.M.) Cost for both classes is $30 for MSDB members and $50 for non-members. Those who need to be recertified on only CPR can attend just the morning session, and those who need recertification on only First Aid can attend just the afternoon session; single-session fees are $20 for MSDB members and $30 for non-members.

An application form for the CPR/First Aid classes is available on MSDB’s website. Paid reservations must be received by Friday, Oct. 29.

This year’s version of MSDB’s Bizarre Bazaar is tentatively scheduled for Saturday, Dec. 11. Plans are to bring back many of last year’s vendors as well as some new ones. The Bizarre Bazaar is a great place to do your holiday shopping for the kinky folks on your list. More details will be forthcoming.

Dress Codes

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #243, September 17, 2004)

I just used Google to search on the web for “Leather Dress Code” and found that out of 218 results, the #1 hit was The Minneapolis Eagle’s website. Nice going, guys! (IML 2003 John Pendal’s “Guide to London’s Leather, Bear & SM Scene” was #6.)

Leather dress codes are a perennial topic of discussion among both those who are into leather and those who are not. Some people resent being kept out of a popular gathering place because they aren’t wearing the proper attire. It is their belief that this is America, and dress codes are an infringement upon their God-given right to go to any bar they damn well please. Others point to the regimented sameness of the attire and dismiss those inside as “clones.”

Then there are those of us who are grateful for our leather community’s spaces, such as The Minneapolis Eagle. We appreciate the effort that goes into creating the leatherspace and into formulating, maintaining and enforcing the dress code.

As dress codes at leather bars go, The Minneapolis Eagle’s is pretty typical. You can find it at <www.minneapoliseagle.com>, but I’ll save you the trouble. Headlined “because we said so,” here it is as presented on their website:

“Acceptable:

• Leather Jackets, Pants, Vests, Straps, Chaps, Dresses, Skirts, Shorts and Accessories

• Rubber, Vinyl, Latex and Plastic

• Law Enforcement and Fire Protection

• Military Uniform

• Construction Gear

• Western Wear

• You can also gain entry with a solid black, grey or white t-shirt, denim jeans (black or blue) and black leather boots.

“Unacceptable:

• Dress Shirts, Sweaters or Polo Shirts

• Dress Pants or Khakis

• Dress Shoes or Loafers

• Sandals or Tennis Shoes

• Suits & Ties or Tuxedos

• Disco Wear”

The Minneapolis Eagle’s dress code is enforced Fridays and Saturdays after 9 p.m. and is encouraged but optional Sunday through Thursday nights. (Even if you are not wearing appropriate attire, if you are already in the bar when the dress code takes effect you will be allowed to remain—you will not be asked to leave. But see below.)

I’ve been thinking about the topic of dress codes quite a bit lately because the company for which I work (no, not Lavender—my other job, the one with a major national discount retailer) recently dropped their “Business Casual” code and ratcheted things up a notch to simply “Business.” That means that Monday through Thursday I have to wear either a sport coat or a tie, neither of which I have heretofore normally worn at work. For many years I was able to state proudly that my regular, day-to-day style of dress was such that at any given moment I could have met the dress code at any leather bar. One of the concessions I made when I started working at the major national discount retailer was to start wearing Dockers and polo shirts.

Under the new dress policy, should I someday show up at work without either a sport coat or a tie I can be “sent home to change.” To me that’s the same thing as being denied admission to the Eagle because I’m wearing dress slacks. I might not like it, but them’s the rules.

As one might expect, the change in the dress code has sparked a certain amount of grumbling among my coworkers. I even contributed to the grumbling—before heading off to the-department-store-that-was-recently-sold-by-the-major-national-discount-retailer-for-which-I-work and buying up a storm. If government statistics show that the nation’s economy improved in August, I’m the reason.

And why did I spend so much money to comply with the new dress code? Because I want to continue working there. That, and because I was able to take advantage of some really good discounts.

Why do I have a closet full of leather and related apparel? Because sometimes I like to hang out at the Eagle. That, and because I like wearing leather. I also like being around other people who are wearing leather. And I don’t like feeling like a tourist. (In leather parlance, a “tourist” is someone in a leather bar who sticks out because he or she is not wearing leather or other appropriate attire. If you are not appropriately attired and you stay at the Eagle when the dress code takes effect at 9 p.m. on Friday or Saturday, you risk being branded a tourist.)

Actually, now that I’ve been sensitized to the issue, I see that dress codes, both spoken and unspoken, are more pervasive than I ever realized. Just today, as I was walking from the parking ramp to my office at the major national discount retailer’s corporate headquarters, I passed a construction site. There, in big, bold letters, was the following proclamation, a “dress code” of sorts: “100% Hard Hat Area/100% Protective Eyewear/100% Fall Protection.” I was wondering what constituted Fall Protection, and what made Fall Protection different from Summer Protection or Winter Protection, until I realized that they probably meant “protection against falling”—like cables and harnesses, for instance. (Hmmm . . . construction workers . . . cables . . . harnesses . . . .)

But I digress. In a heavy construction area there are good reasons—like health, safety and protection— to mandate what workers wear. Mandating dress elsewhere, whether in a corporate setting or a leather bar, is done for other reasons—primarily to create an atmosphere that represents and reflects what is most appropriate for what takes place in that atmosphere.

After years of too often being inappropriate (and suffering the consequences), I have learned the value of appropriateness.

So if the management and customers of The Minneapolis Eagle support the idea of a leather dress code, I will wear appropriate dress to the Eagle. And I will be rewarded by being surrounded by leather, uniforms, and other butch attire.

And if the major national discount retailer decides that it wants to project a Fashion Forward image, I will appropriately spiff up my act. My reward will be that everyone else will spiff up their act, too, and I will be working in an upscale atmosphere with people who are nicely dressed.

On the other hand, thank goodness they’re keeping “Casual Fridays” so I can wear my 501s to work at least one day a week.

Give Bush the Boot! A Leather Life look at this year’s elections

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #242, September 3, 2004)

We interrupt this leather column to bring you an important emergency announcement. It’s time to Give Bush the Boot! I hope this phrase becomes a rallying cry throughout the leather community as Election Day draws near.

In 2000 I wrote some humorous columns looking at the last presidential-election campaign season from a leatherman’s point of view. Now it’s four years later and time to elect another President of the United States. This time I’m not laughing. I’m infuriated. So this column features me as a leather Paul Revere. My proclamation: The country has been hijacked, and in November we have a chance to get it back. To arms! To arms! Or, more accurately for the current situation: To the polls! To the polls!

I am not a terribly political person, although I am a consistent voter at election time. But prior to this year I had never attended a precinct caucus. Prior to this year I had never made a contribution to a presidential election campaign. This year I have done both. If there ever was a time to become politically active, this is the year. And the most important way to be politically active, and one of the easiest as well, is to vote.

Chuck Renslow, founder and Executive Producer of the International Mr. Leather contest, got a 30-second ovation when he proclaimed from the stage of this year’s contest: “We must defeat George Bush!” Here are some excerpts from that speech:

“When it comes to helping one another in times of crisis, our community has set the standards. We developed them by necessity, as we fought AIDS that devastated our community—without any government help. We learned to unify. We built our own institutions, with our own money. We learned to fight for our lives. And we learned compassion.

“Four years ago, George Bush told us that he was a compassionate conservative. The horrors of 9/11 notwithstanding, as we approach another election we’ve seen a fistful of conservativism, but compassion barely drips from his lips. Through the politics of fear, the politics of hate, using blame and division, this administration has one purpose: to impose George Bush and his views of democracy on the rest of the world.

“We are under attack, my friends. At stake is our very lives. As gay men and lesbians, our lives are meaningless to [this administration]—even moreso as leathermen and leatherwomen. The man proposed constitutional amendments to divide gays and lesbians from the rest of the nation.

“George Bush doesn’t know us. He has no idea how we banded together to fight AIDS for the common good. He has no idea how much energy we put into electing officials who aren’t afraid to say “gay” instead of “homosexual.” And apparently, he has no idea that he wasn’t elected with a mandate. He wasn’t even elected!

“Tonight I stand here to tell you that once again you must fight, and once again you must fight for your very lives. For the future of what it means to be gay in the United States of America, and as a result in the entire world, you have a duty to defeat George Bush. Much more, you have a duty to go back to your communities and convince more people how vital and important it is to defeat George Bush. In this election, the leather community must spread the word to the entire gay community, to the lesbian community, to the transgender community, to the bisexuals, and to every corner of the straight community. It’s time to unify, and it’s time, for the common good, to defeat George Bush!”

Well said, Mr. Renslow, and thank you for saying it. But it goes further—the presidency, while important, is only one part of the picture this election year.

Right now in this country the political landscape appears to be split almost right down the middle. Republicans have a president in power who actually lost the popular vote, a slight margin of control in the House of Representatives and a very slight margin of control in the Senate. (In Minnesota, Republicans control the governor’s office and the state House of Representatives). To echo Mr. Renslow, the Republicans have been acting and governing as if they had a lot more public support than they actually do.

This year, in addition to the presidency, every single seat in the United States House of Representatives is up for election, as are 34 seats in the United States Senate. Without a change to a significant Democratic majority in both the House and Senate it will be much more difficult for a newly-elected President Kerry to clean up the mess that’s been made of the country and the world in the last four years. So voting is especially important this year in this area, too.

And then there’s the matter of appointments to the U.S. Supreme Court and other federal courts. We can all be grateful that Bush has not had a chance to make any Supreme Court appointments so far, because the other federal court judges he has appointed have been almost uniformly far to the right, politically speaking, which makes them disasters for groups like women, minorities—and us.

In the next four years, however, Supreme Court justice appointments will very likely be necessary. Whoever is president therefore will make decisions that will continue to affect our lives for years after he has left office. We cannot afford to let George Bush make those appointments. On the other hand, the more I hear of Kerry the more I like him, and at this point I would definitely trust him to make those appointments.

Then, closer to home, there’s the matter of elections for state legislature seats and, in some states, executive offices. They too are extremely important, considering the current economic and political climate.

It’s time for a change, and what’s really needed is a big change. When the two sides of the political equation are seemingly so evenly matched, every vote becomes that much more important because each vote has the potential to break the deadlock, shift the balance and make the two sides not so evenly matched. If we don’t like the direction in which the country has been going, we must speak loudly and clearly with our votes to offer a real mandate for doing things differently.

It is not an exaggeration to say that the country’s future, the world’s future, and your and my future all depend on the outcome of this election. It’s also not an exaggeration to say that Lavender readers, and other people like us, potentially represent a significant voting bloc. Between the supposed 10% of the population that’s GLBT, and the seemingly-increasing percentage of the population getting in touch with their inner kinkster, we represent a lot of potential power—but only if we actually use it!

So—please—vote to Give Bush the Boot! Get registered to vote if you aren’t already. (Now would not be too soon to register.) If you’re going to be traveling on election day, make arrangements for an absentee ballot. None of this is difficult, and it’s worth the effort. For information on voting, registration and absentee ballots in Minnesota visit < www.sos.state.mn.us/election/faq.htm>.

A postscript: if you are a member of the GLBT or kink communities who for some inexplicable reason supports Bush and his cronies (it’s amazing, but there are a few)—please examine your motives and priorities here. An an example, perhaps you feel you have benefited from the current administration’s economic policies—but is that worth giving up civil liberties? If you admire Bush because you think he’s “tough on terrorists”—in some right-wing corners, members of the GLBT and kink communities are seen as equally terrifying and threatening. What happens if you and people like you are the next target in the “war on terror”? When you consider the chilling possibilities you might find yourself reconsidering who you support.

Hey, Mr. Producer! (I’m Talking to You, Sir!

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #241, August 20, 2004)

What do you get when you cross a leatherman and a show-tune queen? You get your humble columnist. Sometimes I view the world through leather-colored glasses and sometimes through the lens of musical theater. When I combine these two ways of seeing the world, things can get interesting.

I’ve seen (or been part of) some really good leather fantasies over the years. (Just to remind you, the word “fantasy” in a leather context connotes an erotic skit—see last issue’s column). But I’d like to see the concept taken to the next level. I’m talking about more than skits here—I’m talking about a full-blown leather musical revue.

This stage production I’m proposing was inspired by “Fantasy,” the Omaha-based festival of fantasies that was created and produced for several years by Dustin Logan and Bob Ewing. “Fantasy” was a revolutionary idea for its time: an evening of fantasy performances for the sole purpose of entertainment, not as part of a competition.

“Fantasy” was thoroughly enjoyable, and I miss it. Hence the desire to not only bring it back, but to take the concept and make it big, and accessible to a broader audience as well. I have had this idea for a long time. For now it’s just a closet (you should pardon the expression) musical revue, but I dream that one day I’ll actually see it on stage. Read, and fantasize along with me.

The show starts with a big opening number in which the cast of characters invites the audience into their somewhat dark but fascinating world. What follows touches on as many different fetishes and scenes as can be crammed into an evening in the theater.

After the opening the show dives right into “It’s Raining Men,” a watersports number for the yellow-hankie crowd—simulated, of course (wink wink).

“Electrician Blues,” performed to the classic naughty blues song of the same name, includes both TENS-unit and violet-wand play (on a dim or dark stage to enhance the spectacle). The same performer later sings “Dentist Blues,” as made famous by Bette Midler: “You thrill me/When you drill me/And I don’t need no Novocaine today!”

“The Teddy Bear Picnic” is sung and danced sweetly and innocently by a stage full of hunky, furry bears. Here’s a sample of the lyric: “Beneath the trees where nobody sees/They’ll hide and seek as long as they please/’Cause that’s the way the teddy bears have their picnic.”

A tango number: A spotlight shines on the bare back of a man wearing black leather pants and a harness. He starts to slowly revolve to face the audience, and we see that it’s—Dan Chouinard! (His accordion is attached to the harness.) Chouinard plays “Kiss of Fire” (including the lyrics “If I’m a slave, then it’s a slave I want to be!”) while a couple performs a combination of tango and fireplay. (Chouinard and the dancers are brought back later for Tom Lehrer’s “The Masochism Tango.”)

A comic number: “I Want To Be Happy (But I Won’t Be Happy/’Til I Make You Happy Too),” from No, No, Nanette!, sung by an eager-to-please top to a jaded bottom. Following this is a non-comic dance interlude to the same song, featuring something I’ve always wanted to see onstage: an all-male synchronized dance line in full black leather and boots with taps on them. (Which leather company will get all the publicity that will come from supplying the leathers for the dance line?)

Whipmaster Robert Dante shows off his amazing whipping skill and technique, including his famous black-light whipping.

“Treat Me Rough,” originally a mapcap comic number from “Girl Crazy” by the Gershwins, is reworked with slight changes to the lyrics to be a sensual, sultry number in the style of 1930s Berlin.

A gay-male version of the 1964 hit by the Shangri-las, “Leader of the Pack,” is sung and dramatized by a male doo-wop group in black leather.

Another amazing dance number: synchronized flogging, combining flogging with tap dancing or Irish or American clog dancing (clogging while flogging!). Then the lights go down for something I recently saw at a run: flaming floggers, a combination of flogging and fireplay.

No revue is complete without a tear-jerker. In this case it’s Al Jolson’s classic “Sonny Boy,” reworked for the continuing age of AIDS (including a safe-sex message, of course).

Sung by either a boy or a slave, Cole Porter’s “My Heart Belongs to Daddy” includes the formerly-censored lines following “My Daddy, he treats it so well”: “He treats it, and treats it, and then he repeats it.”

And finally, the big finish (known in the trade as the “eleven-o’clock number”): “Leatherella,” in which our hero wants to go to the run but is forced by his Wicked Daddy and Stepbrothers to stay at home—after polishing all their leathers and boots. Fairy GodDaddy appears and produces a complete leather outfit and a Harley to go to the run. After meeting the Handsome Titleholder, Leatherella is forced to make a quick getaway on the Harley, which at the stroke of midnight turns into a unicycle (or a Segway—whichever would get more laughs). Next day the Handsome Titleholder comes calling with the boot that Leatherella left behind. You can figure out the rest.

Where to find the people to make this dream a reality? To quote a Stephen Sondheim lyric from Follies (with added leather emphasis): “Hey Mr. Producer/I’m talking to you, SIR!” You don’t suppose there are any theater producers in the leather community, do you? Or directors, choreographers, actors, dancers, technicians, set designers, costume designers, etc.? Or any angels/backers out there to finance it?

I can see it now—it opens in the Twin Cities and goes on to play Chicago (with an excerpt as the opening number at IML), Los Angeles, San Francisco, and New York before becoming a Las Vegas perennial at the newly-opened Caesar’s Dungeon (built just for the show).

For now, it’s just my fantasy. Could it be a reality someday? To paraphrase Bloody Mary in Rodgers and Hammerstein’s South Pacific: “You got to have a fantasy/If you no have a fantasy/How you gonna have a fantasy come true?”

Fantasy Land

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #240, August 6, 2004)

Fantasy is to the leather community what community theater is to the masses. A leather fantasy is a skit built around leather/BDSM themes and usually, but not always, performed as part of a leather contest. It is the leather community’s theater. I have seen some that were splendid, many that fell short of the mark, and more than a few that were utterly embarrassing. Generally, what made them embarrassing was that they were done with no regard for basic acting, stagecraft and storytelling practices.

My colleague, Robert Davolt, recently wrote an essay (Myth #48 in his “Myths & Mysteries of Leather” series) that was critical of the entire concept of fantasies. While I can’t argue with what he wrote (Argue with Robert Davolt? Are you kidding?), I submit that a little community education could go a long way toward raising the entertainment level of leather fantasies.

Prepare to be educated. Here are some helpful tips for those contemplating the presentation of a fantasy.

It’s theater. This is the time to dust off your high-school or college or community theater knowledge. You didn’t get the theater gene? Then get someone who’s theatrically literate to help you. You need to know at least the elementary rules of stagecraft to present a fantasy that works.

This time it’s all about you. Keep the focus on you, the contestant. I once saw a fantasy in which a gentleman was escorted to a barber’s chair, where his body disappeared under a barber’s cape and his face disappeared under lather. Then the barber exhibited his shaving, bondage and flogging skills. If I were judging I would have given the barber high marks—but it wasn’t his fantasy. The contestant was the invisible guy in the chair who didn’t really do anything. Moral: Keep the best lines for yourself.

Faces are more interesting than backs. There are few fantasies worse than five minutes of uninterrupted flogging during which nothing else happens. The only way to make a more deadly fantasy is to have both flogger and floggee keep their backs to the audience for the entire five minutes. If you must do a flogging fantasy, consider positioning yourself and your co-stars in such a way that the audience can see your faces and your facial expressions.

It’s supposed to be entertaining. Five minutes of unremitting flogging is not entertaining. Think of television—quick cuts for attention-span-challenged viewers. On stage it isn’t possible to be quite that manic, but one rule of thumb I’ve heard (thank you, J.D. Laufman) is this: Something—the music, the lighting, an entrance, an exit, a prop—should change every fifteen seconds.

Say it with music. Use music to support and enhance the fantasy’s action. Consider changing or varying the music throughout the fantasy rather than having one song or one droning rhythm track the whole time you’re onstage. And please, please be sure the soundtrack tape or CD is of good recording quality and has smooth edits and transitions between selections. If you don’t know how to make a good mix, find someone who does and let them help you.

Try not to say it with words. Microphones for spoken dialogue during fantasies can be a production headache, and voiceovers on the music tape or CD often turn to indecipherable mush. And what about those in the audience who are hearing-challenged or non-English-speakers? If no one can understand what is being said, the point of the fantasy can be lost. Consider instead telling the story without words. If you absolutely must use words, do the necessary planning and testing to make sure they will be understood. (See one contestant’s success story below.)

The biggest prop wins. I have seen it time and again—the elegant minimalist fantasy loses out to the ham-fisted one because the latter includes a 10-foot rope spider web, a 12-foot condom or a 15-foot gallows. (This is known in the trade as a “wow factor.”) But big props have to be designed, constructed and transported to the theater or bar where the fantasy is being performed. They cause all kinds of headaches for the contest production staff who have to move them onstage for the fantasy and offstage again afterward. Contestants who have to ship big props for long distances are at a disadvantage compared to contestants who are relatively close to where the contest is being held. Consider building props that look big but are lightweight, collapsible and portable.

Or consider using other “wow factors” like good storytelling and presentation. At this year’s Mr./Ms Olympus Leather Contest, contestant (and writer) Toni Pizanie’s fantasy consisted of standing on stage and reading a piece she had written—the story of how she came to be on that stage that evening. No big props, no throbbing music, nothing changing every fifteen seconds. Just words—but she was charming, spoke clearly and had a good story to tell. And she had that audience in the palm of her hand. (It helped that she also had a good sound system at her disposal.)

Use simple lighting. Find out what kind of stage lighting flexibility will be available—you may be limited to “on” or “off.” (If you’re lucky you’ll have a spotlight to work with.) The time to discover this information is while you’re planning your fantasy, not when you get to the theater or bar to present it.

The contest production staffers are your friends. Treat them nicely—their efforts are going to make you look good onstage (or not). Make their job as easy as possible, and your job will be easier, too.

Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Rehearse before you get to the venue and, if possible, rehearse on the stage where you will be performing the fantasy. Don’t think that not rehearsing will make the fantasy look “spontaneous”—not rehearsing will more than likely make it look amateurish.

Prepare for the unexpected. No lights? No sound? Missed entrance? The show must go on, so make contingency plans. This also applies to other people appearing in the fantasy who become ill, props that are lost in shipping, soundtrack tapes that are mysteriously erased—have understudies and alternative props available and carry duplicates of soundtrack tapes or CDs. If you ship props or costumes, plan ahead so that you ship them with plenty of time to spare.

It’s not a scene, it’s a fantasy. It’s not about you getting off onstage, it’s about you entertaining the audience (and, if you’re lucky, getting them off). Keep your priorities in perspective here.

Finally: Know what reaction you’re trying to inspire. International Ms Leather 1995 Pat Baillie once explained to me the effects a good fantasy can have on an audience: it can “make ’em hard” (or, based on gender, “wet”), “make ’em laugh, or make ’em think.” You get extra points for doing two of the above; come up with a fantasy that does all three and you stand a good chance of winning the category, if not the contest.

Leather Lens: Minnesota Leather Pride 2004

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #239, July 23, 2004)

With presentations spread over a ten-day period, this year’s Minnesota Leather Pride celebration was the most ambitious ever. Months of planning paid off with a series of well organized and well attended events. Here are a few scenes from the celebration.

Friday evening, June 18: The official kick-off to Minnesota Leather Pride 2004 was a trampling demonstration, featuring the trampling talents of Sharina Nicole and slave michael, at the Minneapolis Eagle. (Sharina and michael also gave a trampling workshop on Tuesday, June 22 during which this photo/these photos were taken.)

Saturday evening, June 19: A Floggapalooza, featuring four simultaneous flogging scenes, was held at the Minneapolis Eagle.

Sunday afternoon, June 20: It was Father’s Day, so it was appropriate that the ever-amazing Amanda Wildefyre, right, presented a “CBT for Daddy’s Day” workshop. (“CBT” stands for cock-and-ball torture.) To Amanda’s left is one of her two willing victims, David Coral (aka Jazz Thomas)—who, that afternoon, also learned how to mount and dismount a trapeze.

Tuesday evening, June 22: Trampling isn’t just for spike heels. Here, at the aforementioned trampling workshop, Mr. Minneapolis Eagle 2004 Carl Byrd tries trampling David Coral (aka Jazz Thomas).

Tuesday evening, June 22: David Coral (aka Jazz Thomas), who was having a busy week, presented a body-punching workshop using International Mr. Leather 2003 John Pendal as the punching bag. (Pendal later returned the favor.)

Sunday morning, June 27: A gentle rain did not stop the Ashley Rukes GLBT Pride Parade—or the 75-foot leather pride flag—from making its annual trek up Hennepin Avenue in Minneapolis.

Sunday morning, June 27: Cleo Dubois, left, and Fakir Musafar, right, are shown here watching the Ashley Rukes GLBT Pride parade. The duo had a busy week as presenters and participants in this year’s Minnesota Leather Pride. On Wednesday evening, June 23, they were part of a “Leather Spirituality” roundtable discussion at The Town House in St. Paul. On Thursday, June 24 they presented a workshop on “The Magic of Temporary Piercing” and followed it up with “Spirit+Flesh,” an all-day workshop/body ritual on Saturday, June 26

Sunday afternoon, June 27: This year Minnesota Leather Pride had an official booth, complete with cage, at the Pride Festival in Loring Park.

Life After the Leather Contest

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #238, July 9, 2004)

It happens every year about this time. There are over 50 contestants for the International Mr. Leather (IML) contest on Memorial Day weekend in Chicago. One of those contestants is chosen as the new IML. Many of the other contestants go home from the weekend asking themselves varying versions of the same questions: Why didn’t I win? What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? What could I do better next time?

Actually, these questions are part of the aftermath of every leather contest everywhere, all through the year. The person asking them could be either the winner of a local or regional contest who is considering what is necessary to get ready for the next level of competition, or one of the contestants who didn’t win.

There are many who are only too willing to step into the void created by these questions and dispense advice either to someone who has lost a leather contest or to someone who just won one and is advancing to the next level of competition. Usually the advice they dispense is on the order of “You’re perfect, now just change everything about yourself and you’ll be even more perfect.” They then proceed to tell the person to “go on a diet, change your hairstyle, buy all new leather, spend 60 hours a week at the gym, take steroids, get plastic surgery, and get rid of your partner because you’ll be more tempting if it’s known you are single, and therefore available.” Incredible as it may sound, I am not exaggerating here.

The point of leather contests is not to find a Henry Higgins top so that one can play an Eliza Doolittle bottom. A contest can be the occasion for “Extreme Leather Makeover,” but only if that’s what the contestant wants to do. On the other hand, I have known people (including myself) who have felt they wanted to make some more moderate changes, and entering a contest or winning a contest and advancing in competition was as good an excuse as any to make them. With motivation like that, there’s a good chance that positive changes will occur, and that the changes will last even after the competition is over.

If you absolutely insist on asking someone for a critique of your performance during a contest and suggestions for possible improvements—ask the judges. For two reasons, they are in the best position to give you realistic feedback about how you did: They’re the ones who scored you, and they were there during the whole contest including any private interviews. Anyone who was not a judge and was therefore not present during all segments of the contest can only guess at the thought processes the judges went through to arrive at their scores. Be aware that the judges aren’t obligated to provide this service, but if you ask nicely they may. Be grateful for any feedback they offer, and thank them for taking the time to offer it.

Instead of, or in addition to, asking someone else what improvements could be made to become a stronger competitor, I challenge people to spend some time looking back at their contest experience and think about questions like these: When during the contest weekend did I feel most comfortable? What during the weekend made me feel uncomfortable or unsure of myself? What do I think I did really well? What do I think I could have done better? Which of the other contestants impressed me—made me think to myself, “That was really good. I wish I could do that. I want what they have”?

Don’t just think about these questions—write them down, and then write down your answers to them. Those answers will point out to you both your strengths and the areas in which you want to improve. Take pride in your strengths, make plans for making the improvements you want to make, and then follow those plans.

Perhaps you know you will be advancing in competition, perhaps you’re just thinking about entering another contest sometime, or perhaps you’ll never compete again. It doesn’t matter—you can still benefit from the insight gained by the above exercise.

Now, about that issue of competing in the future: IML competitors have already won titles in other contests; now that the IML competition is over they can turn their attentions to serving their communities until it’s time for them to step aside and turn the title over to their successors.

But what about people who, although they have competed, have never won a contest and therefore have no title? Well, during your contest preparation you probably did some thinking about what you would do with a title if you won. Would you have volunteered for a cause you believe is important? Would you have raised money for charity, helped to plan leather events, started a leather-related web page? Whatever it might have been, you are hereby cordially invited to do it anyway.

If you want to, you can find ways to contribute to your community whether you have a title or not. Don’t wait for a title to supposedly confer legitimacy and credibility on your efforts—get involved now. Your community will be a better place, and you’ll feel good because you’re helping to make it that way.

As a bonus: if you compete in some future leather contest, anything you do now will certainly look good on your application. Or you might find, as did your humble columnist, that you become so involved in serving the community that you never get around to entering another contest.