Leather Generations: Dialectic or Debate?

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #400, September 24, 2010)

Over the years, this column has dealt several times with issues of intergeneration and intercommunity conflict. This conflict often is characterized as between the “Old Guard” (those who value, and try to preserve, the community hierarchy and other traditions that leather culture inherited from its military beginnings) and the “New Guard” (those who either don’t care about, or who outright reject, these traditions). But sometimes conflict also surfaces between other community groups: those who identify as “leather” and those who identify as “BDSM” or “fetish,” for example, or between various combinations of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered people and heterosexuals.

When conflict happens, communication between the groups in conflict can take several forms. One is debate, in which each group tries to convince the other group that its way is correct and the other group’s way is incorrect. Sometimes one side is convinced; sometimes each side just digs in its heels.

Another way to deal with conflict is through dialectic, in which the two sides engage in discussion that eventually produces a third viewpoint that is superior to either of the original viewpoints. I recently heard the concept of dialectic described in a sermon preached by the Rev. Keith Hohly, pastor of First Lutheran Church, Mission Hills, Kansas. (Sometimes the universe speaks to us when we least expect it.)

Dialectic goes all the way back to ancient Greece, and discussions of it have filled many books throughout the centuries. In his sermon, however, Rev. Hohly discussed dialectic as a style of communication between parents and children, and I recognized right away that what he was saying applied also to intergenerational and other struggles within the leather/BDSM/fetish community.

Here’s how Rev. Hohly explained it: Parents have values which they wish to impart to their children. This part of the dialectic is called the “thesis.” Children rebel against these values—“antithesis.” Ideally, out of the combination of thesis and antithesis comes “synthesis,” something that is different from but better than either the original thesis or the antithesis. The synthesis becomes the new thesis, and the process starts over again. This is how people and communities evolve and progress is made.

It’s not that children should not rebel—on the contrary, it’s part of their job to rebel as a way of declaring their independence from their parents. It’s healthy for them to rebel. Parents sometimes might wish it were otherwise, but good parents know that part of raising the next generation is enduring the process of having that next generation assert its independence.

But sometimes parents or their offspring refuse to be part of the process, as in “My way or the highway.” With no willingness to try to understand the other side’s position, the discussion then often turns into a debate that convinces no one and solves nothing. In a debate there is no middle ground and no synthesis.

Now let’s apply all of this to ourselves. Consider how leather arose in the first place. Our community took the rebel role against then-mainstream society’s vanilla values and practices. There was no attempt at dialectic then, and history shows what happened: leather culture was underground, and divorced from mainstream culture, for many years. It is only relatively recently that mainstream society has seen any value in our culture, and then often only as a way to shock people and sell things. But it’s at least some kind of dialogue.

Within our then-underground community, however, the early history of leather seemed to be free of intergenerational conflict, in that the community’s values and traditions were passed from one generation to the next through a very effective system of mentorship.

But that system was torn asunder by the AIDS epidemic. Today we have traditionalists, most of whom are older, and we have rebels, most of whom are younger. Too often, the two groups seem to be arguing in endless debate, when what would be more constructive would be dialectic between the two groups—between every group, actually, that has a stake in this community and in its future.

The next time you hear an argument in leather circles, listen closely. Do you hear debate or do you hear dialectic? Which would you rather hear? Which would you rather contribute to?

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Shameless commercial message: Life, Leather and the Pursuit of Happiness, the new book by your humble columnist, is now available locally at Cockpit Project, Gray’s Leather, Rainbow Road, Smitten Kitten and True Colors Bookstore (the former Amazon Bookstore), or from your favorite bookseller.

Leather Pride: In Our Hides . . . or In Hiding?

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #392, June 4, 2010)

“I am who I am. I am not ashamed of who I am—not one bit.”

These are the words of the late Harvey “Jack” McGeorge, weapons inspector with the United Nations Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission (UNMOVIC)—and a longtime leather/BDSM/fetish community activist and leader. In 2002, at the height of the search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, McGeorge was “outed” as a BDSM practitioner by The Washington Post. To be able to make the above statement in the midst of a media firestorm—that’s leather pride.

In the Minneapolis/St. Paul area and elsewhere across the nation, June is Pride Month for both the GLBT and leather/BDSM/fetish communities. We spend much of the month of June proclaiming our pride in ourselves and our community. Minnesota Leather Pride again has planned a full schedule of Leather Pride events, details of which can be found at <mnleatherpride.org>.

Some would ask why Pride celebrations are important or even necessary. What is there about being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender that deserves a parade? What is there about being a member of the leather/BDSM/fetish community that calls for participation in the GLBT Pride parade?

Others wonder why leatherfolk should be proud at all, of anything. They note that members of the leather/BDSM/fetish community are classified by other parts of our society as sick and/or criminal. The American Psychiatric Association, in its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV, describes as “sexual disorders” many of the activities enjoyed by leatherfolk. Many of those same activities are illegal in all fifty U.S. states and in the U.K. as well. How can anyone be proud of that?

Actually, we need pride in ourselves and our community all the more in the face of these societal attitudes and prejudices.

Recall that at one time members of the GLBT community were regarded in pretty much the same way. Homosexuality was considered by the American Psychiatric Association to be a mental illness until 1986. And there was a time when law enforcement officials raided gay bars, and arrested their patrons, on the flimsiest of justifications.

Eventually gay men and lesbians got tired of being told they were mentally ill criminals, and the Stonewall riots in 1969 were the result. Forty-one years have passed since Stonewall, and in those years the GLBT community has made great progress toward full civil rights (although there is still work to be done and progress to be made).

When will members of the leather/BDSM/fetish community get tired of being told they are mentally ill criminals?

Many of us already are, and have been for awhile. Thanks to some community members’ efforts, the American Psychiatric Association doesn’t consider us as sick today as they once considered us. Work continues at reducing even further the psychiatric stigma of our proclivities.

Another community movement called “Consent Counts,” which started in 2006, is working to decriminalize BDSM activities. It won’t happen overnight—it might take ten or fifteen years or even longer—but the groundwork has been laid and the process has been started.

But, quite apart from psychiatrists and law enforcement, the perception of our community, our interests and our activities needs to shift among the general public. A recent survey of college students demonstrated that people who had a friend who was an SM practitioner had a more positive attitude and less prejudice toward the concept of SM than was found among people who did not know anyone who was into SM. This is similar to the trajectory of acceptance for members of the GLBT community—it’s easier to be judgmental and discriminatory against “those people.” It’s harder to be judgmental and discriminatory when you are friends with someone in the reviled group.

So, if you’re interested, put your pride into action. Get involved in the movement to remove our community completely from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. Get involved with Consent Counts and help decriminalize BDSM.

Even more important, be proud and come out as a kinky person to the best of your ability. No, it’s not yet safe for everyone to be open about their interests. Jobs, spouses and children all can be lost if one comes out—or if, like Jack McGeorge, one is outed against their will.

But the more visible our community is, the more public opinion will change for the better. And that will make it easier and less threatening for even more of us to come out, be visible, and be who we really are.

Your Humble Columnist publishes a book: Life, Leather and the Pursuit of Happiness

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #386, March 12, 2010)

After fifteen years, Your Humble Columnist is finally about to become Your Humble Author. With this edition of the Leather Life column I am pleased to officially announce my first book: Life, Leather and the Pursuit of Happiness.

The book, to be published later this spring by Nelson Borhek Press, contains selections from 15 years of Leather Life columns and other writings—112 columns in all, updated and annotated.

It has been a rather daunting task to wade through a large accumulation of columns and other writings and try to assemble some of them into a book that flows in some kind of logical order. As I put the book together I tried to pick the columns and other writings that have the most universal appeal, and I grouped columns into chapters around certain themes.

Even though the columns were written as eclectic parts and pieces over a 15-year period, I have been pleasantly surprised at how well the pieces, when put together, present a coherent portrayal of the book’s subtitle: “Life, History and Culture in the Leather/BDSM/Fetish community.”

The book is divided into two sections. One shorter section is about the leather, i.e. the things that have drawn the community together. The second and more substantial section is about the life of the community and its members as I have observed them over the last fifteen years.

As a companion to the book I also am pleased to present the book’s website: <LifeLeatherPursuit.com> (which eventually will replace the existing website for this column, <LeatherLife.net>). I invite you to visit <LifeLeatherPursuit.com> right now—you can find out more about the book, see the Table of Contents, read a few excerpts and even sign up to be among the first to be notified when the book is available later this spring.

After the book has been published it will be available at <Amazon.com> or directly from the <LifeLeatherPursuit.com> website.

One last thing: On Wednesday, May 26, the Queer Voices GLBT Reading Series will present an erotica reading at the Form + Content Gallery (210 N. 2nd St., Minneapolis). I’ll be one of the authors reading. It should be quite an evening. Maybe I’ll see you there. (For more information about the reading, visit <www.intermediaarts.org/queer-voices-glbt-reading-series>.)

Leather Life: A Valedictory, of sorts

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #378, November 20, 2009)

Back on June 9, 1995, one of the features of the first issue of Lavender Magazine (then called Lavender Lifestyles) was the first edition of this Leather Life column. Since then, for almost fifteen years, the Leather Life column has appeared in all but a few issues of Lavender.

The magazine recently decided to change the editorial direction of the column appearing in their Bar Scene section. So the column you now are reading will be the last every-issue installment of the Leather Life column. Henceforth, the Leather Life column will appear quarterly.

With so many items still on my “future columns” list, I am surprised, and somewhat saddened, to see the column’s frequency being reduced. But there’s much for which I am thankful. Because of this column I have met many fine people and had many great experiences, the memories of which I will always cherish.

I am very grateful to Lavender for giving me the freedom to write what I wanted to write, and for not editing me too much. I have enjoyed having the support of everyone who has been a part of Lavender over the years, including editors, art directors, office staff, ad sales reps and fellow contributors.

Special thanks to George Holdgrafer, who has been with the magazine from its beginning. My deep gratitude to Lavender’s publisher, Stephen Rocheford, who always has had the good sense to know that a publication, if it is to survive, must be run as a self-sustaining business, not a social cause. That, I think, is one reason why Lavender is the longest-running GLBT publication in the Upper Midwest. I always have been proud to have my column appear in its pages.

Thanks to everyone at Leatherpage.com for linking to Lavender’s website, thereby including me in their fine slate of leather writers. Thanks to my partner, Bill, for reading each column moments after it’s been written and offering helpful critiques.

Thank you to everyone in the leather/BDSM/fetish community—individually for being who you are, and collectively for creating such a vibrant community and culture that has given me so much to write about for all these years. Leather Life has always been your column—I’ve just been the one who happened to be writing it.

And finally, thanks to you, the person reading this column. Whether you’re leather, BDSM, fetish or none of the above; whether you’re G, L, B, T, heterosexual, pansexual or refuse to be labeled; and whether you picked up the magazine and flipped to this column, or pointed your browser to Lavender’s website and found the column there—thanks for reading. I’ll be back with another edition of Leather Life sometime next spring.

You are under my power . . . Erotic Hypnosis and BDSM

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #377, November 6, 2009)

Focus your attention on the swinging pocket watch. You are getting very sleepy . . . you are under my power . . . you will now quack like a duck . . .

That’s what most people think when they hear the word “hypnosis.” But some folks in the leather/BDSM/fetish community are discovering different, and more interesting, uses for hypnosis and trance.

The eleventh annual Hypnocon gathering was held in Minneapolis Oct. 9-11. Focusing on recreational hypnosis by men and for men, it attracted recreational hypnosis enthusiasts from across the U.S. (It was held the same weekend, and in the same host hotel, as Gaylaxicon 2009, a GLBT science-fiction/fantasy/horror convention.) There’s also a Hypocon event in the UK.

One of the organizers of this year’s Hypnocon was a gentleman named Mark Warner (not the senator from Virginia), who told me how recreational hypnosis differs from stage hypnosis or therapeutic hypnosis: “It’s personal and private. It often has a sexual edge. It places emphasis on trust and connection, and it creates an exchange that challenges and reveals.”

The focus of this year’s Hypnocon was education about hypnosis and opportunities to experience trance in a safe and sane environment. According to Warner, “The event wasn’t a hypnosis performance. It was a learning event for guys who were curious and it was a social event for guys who let trance enhance their lives.” (Warner emphasized that clinical hypnosis, also called hypnotherapy—which people might use to quit smoking or lose weight—“is a serious field of practice. That ain’t us.”)

Hypnosis is a natural addition to a BDSM tool box because it adds a whole new dimension to the concept of power exchange. Under hypnosis a person can vicariously yet convincingly experience scenes and fulfill fantasies that either would not be possible or would not be safe if attempted in reality. In Warner’s opinion, “Recreational hypnosis transcends BDSM. It’s limited only by imagination and the resources of memory and emotion.”

Warner also points out that recreational hypnosis can add spice and depth to fantasy and fetish roleplaying for people interested in vampires and werewolves, for men who want to explore being feminized, for masters wanting to reinforce a submissive mindset in their slaves, for those interested in transforming into a robotic (“bot”) state, for devotees of puppy or pony play, or for those exploring many other leather/BDSM/fetish interests: “For all these areas, recreational hypnosis is an outlet. And that’s important because we all have strange desires from time to time.”

Next year’s Hypnocon #12 will be held in Seattle.

Legendary San Francisco Leather Columnist Marcus Hernandez, 1938-2009

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #376, October 23, 2009)

PHOTO

Sad news from San Francisco: a leather legend has left us.

Longtime San Francisco leather columnist Marcus Hernandez, also known as Mr. Marcus and Marcus the Merciless, died Thursday, October 8 in Pacifica, California. His weekly column of “leather and dish” in the Bay Area Reporter started in 1971 and ran for 38 years.

The column was filled with news of the leather community in the Bay area, across the United States and around the world, both what had happened that week and what events were coming up. If San Francisco has some well-known leather institutions and personalities, Marcus’ column is one of the reasons.

Over the years Marcus attended, and often judged, more local, regional and national leather contests and events than anyone else. He was about as omnipresent as anyone in leather could be, pretty much right up to the end, even at the age of 77.

For many years he was a judge (later judge emeritus) at the International Mr. Leather (IML) contest in Chicago, and every year he had the honor of announcing IML’s “Top 20” semifinalists. It was only fitting, because he knew so many of them—in many instances he had been there when they won the local or regional contest that sent them to IML.

In addition to his leather activities, in 1972 Marcus also was the first Emperor of the Imperial Court of San Francisco. He used both his leather column and his Imperial Court involvement to help many charitable organizations of all kinds.

Marcus’ brand of journalism was personal. If he liked you, or something you did, he would sing your praises. But if someone got out of line, Marcus was “merciless” at calling them out in print. He could be bitchy and biting, but it was always clear how much he cared about leather and the leather community.

Marcus was my mentor, my colleague in leather journalism and my friend. I will greatly miss seeing him at leather events and sharing information and photos for our columns. He leaves behind a grieving biological family, a close-knit leather family that took care of him during his last days, and a leather community that starts in San Francisco and extends throughout the rest of the world—the community that he did so much to help build for so long, and that will now have to get along without him.

(To read an 1996 interview of Mr. Marcus conducted by Chicago leather columnist Jack Rinella, visit <www.leatherarchives.org/collections/oral/marcus.htm>.)

Kink in the Mainstream Media

(Leather Life column published in Lavender Magazine, Issue #375, October 9, 2009)

Some places, it’s just another part of the conversation

Not too long ago, on those rare occasions when mainstream media outlets mentioned kink, it was talked about with a mixture of shock and disgust. Now, at least for some media outlets, it has become just another part of the conversation. Two examples of this phenomenon are radio’s The Stephanie Miller Show and a blog named The Rude Pundit.

How does one describe the “crunchy audio goodness” (her term) that is The Stephanie Miller Show? It’s a morning drive-time talk-radio show originating in Los Angeles and heard in the Twin Cities 8-11 A.M. weekdays on KTNF (AM 950). The show is an irreverently manic mix of progressive politics and low but sophisticated humor.

Worked into that humor are occasional references to items and situations with which readers of this column might be familiar: ball gags, Astroglide, golden showers (albeit inadvertent), and insinuations about someone tied to a bed, to name just a few. For awhile there was even a running gag about conservative media personalities Bill O’Reilly’s and Geraldo Rivera’s (fictional) sex dungeon (complete with whip-crack sound effect), where the safeword is “Mizrahi.”

This is remarkable for two reasons:

1) This is not niche-media satellite, cable or Internet-radio programming. This is mainstream media—a syndicated broadcast radio show appearing on over 60 stations across the U.S.

2) These kink references are simply part of the on-air banter. No special attention is called to them and no explanations or definitions are given. Miller, her producer Chris Lavoie, and “voice deity” (impressionist) Jim Ward simply assume that the show’s audience already knows about such things and will therefore get the joke.

One of The Stephanie Miller Show’s occasional guests is Lee Papa, who has been blogging for six years as The Rude Pundit <www.rudepundit.blogspot.com>. Because the blogosphere is not yet subject to anything like traditional broadcasting’s “standards and practices” rules, leather and kink imagery has become common in many bloggers’ postings.

The Rude Pundit attracted quite a bit of notice and comment for posting a series of blog entries telling the (fictional) story of a gay leather dungeon in the basement of the Bush White House populated by figures from that former administration. It was gay leather/SM porn imagery used as metaphor and commentary on then-current politics. And, again, the assumption was made that the reader knew enough about gay leathersex to get the point of the article. More recently, The Rude Pundit compared the Bush and Obama administrations using the concept of scrotal infusions.

I will leave it to the reader to decide if the image of Karl Rove topping his leather slave represents progress for our community. Or not.